Summertime and the Livin' is Easy

I hope the fish are jumpin' because my dad took Michael out fishing today. It's perfect fishing weather; no wind and a light, misty rain. Not so perfect for walking home from work, though. I'm drenched.

I don't mind a bit, though. I just finished up my last work day, the principal gave me rave reviews and my prospects for next year look good (no more science, YAY!). My pocket is holding my paycheck and even with my bum ankle, there was a spring in my step. :o)

I actually love rain at this time of year. The flowers seem more fragrant and the bugs hide away. I was almost disappointed to find myself arriving at home so quickly. Had I not been limping, I would have liked to keep right on walking.

So anyway, about my evaluation. The principal gave me the highest marks possible in EVERY. SINGLE. CATEGORY! Talk about a boost to the ego! He also said that my time in science class is wasted. Not because I didn't do any good, but because I could be doing so much more. So next year, if I have a lot of holes in my schedule again, rather than playing second fiddle to the science teacher (which I was SO not looking forward to - he taught my Lindsey this year and I am not impressed with him, even slightly, in any way shape or form and I think the district was crazy to keep him on staff but I am somewhat relieved to know he won't be in a regular classroom.), I'm going to be a tutor working one-on-one or in small groups. I love that! I'd do that all day if they'd let me. My technology duties will be increasing, also. Not so much that I'm in charge of the district, but he is going to recommend that I be in charge of my building. We're starting new programs and his reasoning is, if I'm the only one who knows how to run them, they can't let me go no matter how many cuts they need to take. Nice to know he wants me to stick around! It could also mean another small paycheck for me this summer when the new tech person arrives from Florida.

Lucione, Lindsey, and Alexys are on the girls softball team. Its the inaugural year and they are having a blast. Tomorrow they travel to a neighboring community for their first game. I won't be going because I have to take my puppies to the vet on Saturday. Can't afford to be over there all weekend until Michael starts working full-time.

I have no idea what I am going to be doing this summer. I'm not planning to travel. I'm hoping to get back to regular posting. I'm looking forward to relaxing, maybe do some reading. For now, though, I've got to find some lunch. Have a great day! :o)

MY Mother's Day

I already told you about our picnic at the beach. But what I didn't mention, was the fact that I received gifts for Mother's Day.

When we got back, I was surprised to find 2 gift bags on my living room floor. I read the cards and was even more surprised. One was from my in-laws, the other from my nieces. Mother's Day cards...for me? I was taken off-guard but really do appreciate the fact that they thought about me. I know that my mother-in-law was behind both of them and that made it all the more special. I received these 2 cards and 2 new blouses. Oh, and $20.

You'll have to click the cards to read the writing.
This is the inside of the card. My mother-in-law wrote a very nice, and surprising message. I was very touched because she doesn't always verbalize her feelings. She's never quite said "thank you" before...so this was a nice surprise.
My father-in-law, on the other hand...always tells me how much he loves me. He calls me "Babe" like I'm one of his daughters and has made me feel like one of his own from day 1.

This is the card I received from my nieces.

My Weekend (Most of it) In Pictures

I have not been home much at all lately. If you normally correspond with me via computer, you'd have noticed. Michael and I spent the entire weekend together being outdoors as much as we could. I didn't even mind that gas is now over $3.11 a gallon...I'd have paid twice that to have the weekend we had.

On Friday we had an early supper and jumped in the truck. We were out from about 5:00 till well after 10PM. We drove, walked, drove, and walked some more. Neither of us cared what time it was or what we were missing on TV...it was just nice to be outdoors.

Saturday was much of the same. Outdoors all day long. We were exercising the puppies for a bit and I started taking pictures. My dad loves being outdoors as much as I do...especially on the water. I don't know why I was so surprised to realize that the boat I was trying to focus on was my dads! I'm not sure who he has with him, but that's him standing. I just missed his wave.

We visited different lakes around the island and saw a beaver in almost every one. Here's one with a branch for his dam.

We were outdoors all day and I couldn't go home without taking the opportunity to take some photos of the sunset.

Michael is always trying to take pictures of the moon. We either don't have the right camera or don't know how to use this one properly...but he never gives up trying. Looks pretty good this time, though.

Before finally going home, we showed our neice Marie how to steam oysters so she could try them for the first time. She really enjoyed them. She didn't even allow them time to cool before she started popping them in her mouth!

One of my favorite summer activities is going to the beach. Last summer I didn't go once. Michael was gone for most of the summer and its no fun going alone. Sunday we spent the entire day on a picnic.

We roasted hotdogs and marshmallows and just sat and visited for hours. The weather was great and the beach was peaceful and calm. This is the beginning of what would become, hopefully, just our first beach fire of the year.

Copper and Bianca enjoyed their first outing to the beach. I don't think they understood why we wouldn't let them near the water, but they both had a blast in the sand!

I think Bianca tired herself out.

Mother's Day...Just Another Day

Longing for the Sun

I was 12 years old when you said goodbye
With no explanation why
You got in your car and drove away
All I could do was cry
You said you loved me, you loved my dad
But you couldn’t stick around
What does that mean? I’m confused
It must feel this way to drown
Trying so hard to get some air
Some stable ground to stand on
Fight through the waves of anger and pain
I still can’t believe you’re gone
Had you died, I could have learned
To accept being left behind
But you just left and I don’t know why
I feel I’m losing my mind
Do you even realize what you’ve left behind?
What we go through each day?
My dad’s depressed, my sister’s mad
I believe I’ve lost my way
There were no bitter words exchanged
Not even an angry glance
No clue that you would pack your things
And run at your first chance
How long were you unhappy?
What made you want to leave?
You said you loved us but still can’t stay
I don’t know what to believe
I’m afraid that I will always hurt
I’ll always be in pain
You’re gone and you can’t tell me why
Am I the one to blame?
I’m trying so hard to come to terms
With what you’ve done to me
I’m longing for the day I wake
And finally feel set free
Set free from the anger, guilt and shame
Of forcing you to run
Free from clouds of self-doubt and blame
Finally free to feel the sun

I wrote this when I was a freshman in high school. I was 14 and confused about my parents’ divorce.

I came home from school after just starting the 7th grade. My mom was on the living room floor crying. She had the cassette tapes out on the floor separated into piles. I asked her what she was doing. She told me she was sorting tapes because she was going to be packing. She was leaving the next day. When I asked how long she’d be gone, she said, “Forever, I’m leaving your dad.” My sister started yelling at her and that made me cry. She couldn’t tell us why. She just kept saying, “I love you two, and I love your dad, but I can’t stay here. I need to ‘find myself’.” Whatever that means.

Every year around this time, I get upset. Knowing Mother’s Day is coming stirs up all the feelings I tried so hard to suppress when I was younger. I buy her gifts, call her up and tell her I love her, but in the back of my mind, I have flashbacks of when she left.

I remember my dad crying in the dark. I remember him not being able to eat because of the ulcer he developed not long after she left. I remember him drinking in an attempt to drown his pain.

I remember my sister getting mad at the world. She lost her smile. She forgot how to be happy. She forgot how to be a family. Her grades stayed high, but everything else went down hill. The living room became my bedroom because she claimed she couldn’t stand the sight of me. I eventually came to accept her behavior and it stopped hurting. She eventually outgrew her bitterness and we became sisters and friends once again.

I remember myself going to school trying to pretend everything was okay. I remember standing on a stool to do laundry because, without one, I couldn’t reach the clothes at the bottom of the washer. I remember the frustration of learning to cook rice because if I didn’t cook, I didn’t eat and neither did my sister. Now that I’m grown, I don’t cook rice all that often. I don’t even cook unless I have to.

Being an adult, it really bothers me that this still hurts. How is it she was able to move on and act like nothings happened while the rest of us suffered? How do I know? Because she was gone less than a year before she became engaged. Because she has been home 3 times in the 22 years she has been away. Because she doesn’t take the time to ask me how I’m doing.

I think I finally understand why it is that I bend over backwards to help Space Cadet with her children even though I sometimes resent her irresponsibility. I don’t ever want her daughters to experience anything like what I did. I can’t keep Space Cadet’s marriage together should it fall apart, but I can make sure those girls feel loved and accepted each and every day of their lives. I can make sure that they know that, no matter what, someone cares. They matter to someone. They are important to someone.

I’ll never know why my mom left. I’ll never understand what her reasons are. Maybe I’m not supposed to. I finally admitted to someone else just the other night, that I tend to get withdrawn and somewhat depressed every Mother’s Day. Not because I don’t have a mother. Not because I hate my mother, but because I love her. She hurt me like nobody else has been able to…but I love her. She ends every conversation we have (which, sadly, are few and far between lately) with the same phrase I used to say to her when I was about 3 years old. Maybe she still thinks of me that way. Maybe she’s trying to make me think of life when I was that young. Maybe she wants me to remember when we were still a family; still happy. Who knows. All I know is I’m not very fond of Mother’s Day.

Lazy Sunday

I didn't do anything productive today. Not a thing. I haven't been sleeping well lately. I was up early...I had to get up at 7 to make sure the hot water heater was on so I could get Lindsey up by 8 to get her ready to go help with her softball fundraiser this morning at 9:30.

After she left, I wandered around the internet for a bit. Looking at sites of friends and family.

We decided around Noon to take the puppies out to the runway for a walk. On the way out there it started raining. We drove around out there until the rain stopped and tried to walk them. Bianca did good...but had me at a fast walk the entire time. Copper got stubborn and wouldn't walk. By the time he felt like walking, Bianca and I had already turned around and were headed back to the truck.

I came home and was pleasantly surprised with a wonderful aroma coming out of the kitchen. Michael snuck a roast into the oven before we left so I don't even have to cook today!

It was nice to be able to do absolutely nothing that required any thought. I'm getting burned out with work, as I do every year, so it was just enough to recarge me for the last (Fizzy, close your eyes) 2 and a half weeks of the school year.

(You can open your eyes again, Fizz)

Here's a quick little Craig story for y'all.

He had to write his very first state report a couple weeks ago. He's only in 2nd grade so the entire class did Alaska. His report that hangs on the wall is about 3 sentences long. But when you ask him what he knows about Alaska, it usually goes something like this:

Well, lets see...Alaska is the 49th state. It's been a state since 1959 and used to belong to Russia. If you cut Alaska in half, it will still be the biggest state. It's even bigger than Texas! The Big Dipper is on the flag and the North Star, too....

He'll go on and on if you don't interrupt or show you're not interested. Anyway, the other day in the library he told me he got an A+ on his report. I praised him and gave him a high five and asked what his report was on. He rattled off all the facts he could remember and when he got to the year of Alaska's statehood, I said, "Ya know...Uncle Mike was born that year."

To which he replied, "What?! He was?!" and pretended to faint!

Untitled (Because I Can't Think of One)

I don’t have an excuse for not writing this time. Mainly, I guess, I just haven’t been making the time. When I do find time to sit at the computer, I end up doing other things (like chatting or trying not to smile at the webcam).

There’s been a lot going on, but nothing worth mentioning. Perhaps that’s another reason I haven’t written. I don’t do enough interesting things to write about.

I have 2 and a half weeks left in this school year. I have two more weeks of science and computer classes. I just found out today that, as a Specials teacher, I am partly in charge of planning the end of the year Field Day for the kids. That should have been started long ago, so hopefully I won’t need to be too involved in that. I would rather be free to wander around watching and taking pictures.

We’re going to be very busy here at school till the end of the year. We’ve got Headstart Orientation on Monday. The little ones come to tour the school and have lunch in the cafeteria. The junior high and high school spring concert is on the 9th. The spring concert for the elementary is on the 16th. The 19th is my last day teaching computers and science. That is also the day of high school graduation. 8th grade promotes on the 22nd. The kids’ last day is the 24th and they’ll be released at Noon. On the 25th is an all-district breakfast and Teacher Check-Out day. Somewhere in there, I’ll also be doing the final round of testing in both reading and math.

Then it will be about 13 weeks of keeping Akeskileut up as late as I can, trying to entertain any children who happen to stop by, and hopefully live a life of leisure all summer. (

But for now, I need to get back to work.