So I think I'm finally at a more positive place in my life. The situations that have been stressing me out are still there, I've just chosen not to stress anymore. They are beyond my control and turning gray or developing an ulcer will not rectify them, so I'm just letting them take their course.
Part of why I'm feeling better, is because I've quit thinking about myself. I've quit wondering what will happen to me when this is all said and done. I know God will take care of me and I'll be just fine. I may not know what's going to happen tomorrow, but I know who holds tomorrow!
I've recently done some things for others for no reason other than I wanted to. They mean a lot to me and I wanted to show them.
My mom received a free DVD player as part of some kind of free promotion. She doesn't have a lot of money right now so I knew she wouldn't be buying herself any DVD's any time soon so I ordered a couple of her favorite musicals from Amazon and had them shipped directly to her.
A friend of mine is always encouraging me to sing. I haven't performed in years and often find myself singing out loud when I'm home...alone. She tells me, "Oh, just open the windows and let people hear." But I'm too self-conscious for that. But I managed to surprise her when I bought a program that allowed me to record myself singing with my computer. I e-mailed the song to her and I think she really appreciated it. I purposely sent it without listening long enough to critique myself. I just made sure it got my voice (it took 3 tries to do it right! haha) and then attatched it to an e-mail. I know that if I had listened, I would have decided against sending it. I am my own worst critic and being as shy and self-conscious as I am, even if I had sang it perfectly (which I didn't, I realized once I listened to it in its entirety) I would have found a reason to not send it.
On the rare occassion I get out of the house and actually interact with people, I've made it a point to really interact. Normally I just wave or say a quick hello and keep moving...again, part of my insecurities. But this whole week, every time I was out of the house, if someone even smiled at me, I'd stop and say hello. If they were family or a friend, they got a hug from me. I asked how they were and listened to their answers.
Just by placing my focus on others and not myself, I'm beginning to feel better about this journey we are all on.
3 comments:
it is good you are overcoming your insecurities
Beautiful! in every way. :-)
((((((kerrie)))))))) That is inspirational. I am happy to read this post. This is a good thing for us all to learn, how to look out for those around us in whatever way that we can. Thanks for sharing this.
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