Getting Closer

We're almost to the point where we can move into the other house. The couple that were living there are finally completely moved out and we've managed to line up a storage space here so we don't have to cart all our belongings to Town.

As anxious as I am to get out of this house, though, we won't be able to until sometime next week. We can't pull it off tomorrow and won't be able to change our utilities and phone until Monday at the earliest so it looks like one more weekend here.

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I wish I could say that the move was the only thing weighing on my mind. People around me are getting sick left and right. Not just minor illnesses...big time problems. Cancers, heart problems, kidney problems...its getting to the point where I'm afraid to answer my phone because every call seems to bring more bad news.

Just in the last 3 weeks:

*a very close friend gave birth and had major heart complications

*a dear friend and co-worker had to have a kidney removed because he had cancer

*another dear friend and co-worker had a relapse of her breast cancer and I am still waiting to hear about a suspicious spot they found outside of her lung

*Michael's aunt will be coming home to spend her last days with family

*an aunt of mine will be having heart surgery tomorrow (Friday)

*my brother-in-law had a malignant tumor removed from his neck

The trouble with living in a small town is that everything that happens affects everyone. You're either a relative or a friend to just about everyone around you so anything, good or bad, has an effect on you or someone close to you.

I seem to be sensitive to everyone around me. My cousin and his wife weren't speaking today and that was all I could think about all morning. When he showed up at work to apologize to his wife, I don't know who was more relieved, me or her.

People always tell me they like that quality about me. They know I'll be sympathetic, empathetic, or at least be there to listen whenever I'm needed. But it's also that quality that wears me out. I sometimes find myself feeling exhausted because I carry the world on my shoulders and find myself trying to "fix" the situations of others or at the very least hold them up when they can't seem to stay upright on their own.

This is why I've been so quiet here on my blog lately. I'm quick to pick up everyone else's burdens and then tend to keep all that emotion bottled up inside. I put up a strong front but sometimes its all an act.