Long Time No See

Wow. It has been forever since I’ve set myself down to write. I visit your blogs, though…even though I haven’t been commenting.

I’ve been keeping busy on my computer doing other things and just haven’t made time to write an entry. My mom and I communicate with each other almost daily now. That’s a big change and it’s been so nice. We play on a game site together. We use Bebo together. It’s been a lot of fun. :o)

That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten you all, though. I still think of you all often and check in on your blogs to keep up with what’s going on.

Away from the computer I’m just enjoying my husband being able to work at home this year and trying to stay healthy. I’m getting over a terrible cold that had me sleeping most of the weekend. I’m thankful that it happened when it did, because rather than missing 3 or 4 days of work, I only missed Friday and Monday.

Work has been going okay. There is one particular teacher who has been getting on my nerves but overall it’s been a good year so far. Our first quarter is almost over already! The official end of the quarter is the 27th but the kids’ last day that week will be on the 25th. We have a 2 day inservice coming up. Oh, joy! I’m still crossing my fingers I won’t have to attend.

The weather has been quite nice considering we are into Fall. We haven’t had any of our usual rain/wind storms. It’s foggy today. I don’t know why, but I’ve always loved the fog. The world around me just seems so peaceful when it’s foggy. Maybe it’s just because I can’t SEE the world around me! Haha

The kids are getting excited about Halloween. Craig won’t tell me what he’s going to be. He said it has to be a surprise. Mikayla is going to be a ghost so nobody will know who she is. I told her, “I’ll know.” She said I wouldn’t because she’d be in a sheet. I said, “I’ll know your voice.” She said, “Well, people who aren’t my aunty will NOT know who I am.”

I’m at work…I’ve babbled long enough. I’ll try to remember to write more often. I just don’t feel I have anything worth saying these days.

Busy as a Bee

I don't remember ever "feeling" this busy. Not really doing anything, but I'm doing it non-stop. Weird.

This past weekend was busy, but its not just that. Even at work, when I don't have a class, I've got this pressing feeling that I need to be doing something. When I find something to do, my mind moves on to the next task even before finishing the task at hand. I hate when I get like this.

Friday we had cake and ice cream with Lindsey for her 13th birthday. Her birthday is acutally on the 10th, but she wanted a dance and we're not allowed to have dances on Sundays so we had to do it on Friday. After cake and ice cream we went to the high school to watch Lucione and Megan play volleyball. Then we went back to the teen center for Lindsey's dance.

On Saturday we watched more volleyball. They lost all their games, but I'm so proud of them. They didn't give up, even when the score was 20 - 2. They played hard and Lucione actually got some digs and scored some points with her serve! I thought she did very well for a freshman considering we don't have junior high volleyball.

Sunday we baked bread. And by "we" I mean Michael. 28 loaves. That's a lot of bread. I helped a little, but not enough to matter.

Today I had a lot to do at work, but it was all desk work. I wasn't up running from classroom to classroom like I usually am, although I feel exhausted.

Craig's teacher shared a little story with me at the end of the day today. Craig is a complicated kid. He's extremely bright and has a quick wit. But he's easily annoyed and irritated. He doesn't handle noise very well. He's extremely competetive but hates to lose. He has a short temper at times, but has gotten better at controlling himself at school. So anyway, his teacher made a comment to him today.

She said, "Craig, you're doing great. You had a good day on Friday and another good day today. Two days in a row, I'm going to have to call home and tell Mom."

Without missing a beat, he replied, "Well, that's a first."

I Survived

My first week of work was not so bad. It went by rather slowly because we were busy with workshops and such, but everything went along as smooth as can be. Even the technical problems I usually have at the beginning of the year were not so terrible. Funny thing is, tech support is now contracted out...to a company in Juneau, hundreds of miles away. They're easier to get in touch with and respond faster than the last 3 tech guys we've had on site!

My second week of work (the student's first week back) was even better. It was so good to see the kids again! I can't even guess at how many hugs I received from them. Only thing is, along with their hugs, they shared their sniffles and sneezes.

BUT even my cold is not so bad. I have a cough and an occasinal stuffy nose, but I don't really "feel" sick. I'm so thankful for that.

There have been a lot of changes at school. My room was carpeted, as was the rest of the building. The building has been repainted inside and out, and a brand new playground has been installed. Even the network was over-hauled.

I have a long weekend this week because of Labor Day. That means that for the first time in a month, Michael actually gets a 2 day weekend. We're going to take advantage of that and spend a night in Town. It's been 2 months since we've been over there and 6 months since we've stayed over night. This time we'll actually be able to watch a movie! I don't even know what's playing, but I don't care. I just want the popcorn. hehe

That's about all I have for now. I'm off to figure out what to cook for dinner.

SO Much to Catch Up On!

Yeah, yeah, I know...I've neglected my blog. Thanks to those of you who took the time to check up no me via e-mail. :o)

I've been busy. Not all of it is worth sharing, but it has all kept me from the computer. Okay, that's not entirely true...when I do find time for the computer, I have been spending a lot of that time chatting with my mom.

But anyway, what else...

Alexys turned 15. We had a family dinner/party for her. I took the easy way out and bought her a gift certificate for an online book store. I normally prefer to shop for an actual gift, but she LOVES to read, almost more than I do. I had no idea what she has or hasn't read so figured that would be the best choice for her. She was quite happy with it. :o)

There was a basketball camp here a few weeks ago. Mikayla and Craig were involved. I'm not sure about Craig, but this was Mikayla's first time playing with a team in front of a crowd. They were so cute! They both looked scared when they were out there "warming up" but once the games started they did pretty good. We tried to get some action shots of Mikayla playing, but every time she spotted us, she'd stop playing and come walking over. haha Never mind that her dad was on the other side of the court with a big video camera...she kept coming to us!

We had our Founder's Day celebration on the 7th. The weather was yucky, but we all did our best to enjoy ourselves, anyway. There was a parade, races and contests, and food booths, just like the 4th of July. The only thing missing was fireworks. The town didn't have any money to buy some..and the weather caused almost everyone else to wait for another day. We did manage to watch a few, though, that a few brave people managed to light in the wind and rain.

We've had so many weddings this summer...and funerals. :o( We lost 2 babies this summer. I'm not sure how, but it was so sad. I hate funerals, anyway, but it's 100 times harder when it's a child.

We've got one more wedding on the 25th. One of my cousins (who I used to babysit!?!) is getting married.

I start work in a week. Kids start school on the 28th. I can't decide how I feel about that. I miss the kids, but haven't been feeling all that great lately so kinda wish for more time.

Alexys and Lucione started volleyball practice yesterday. For this entire week, they have practice from 8AM to Noon and from 1PM to 4PM. I can't believe Lucione is in high school now! And my little Lindsey is starting junior high. Gosh, I feel old.

My back has been killing me for about 2 weeks now, I guess. I'll have a good day and then the pain gets bad again. These are the times I wish I lived in the "real world". We don't have a chiropractor here and I think I need one. On good days, like today, I'm able to sit for more than a few minutes before I get too stiff and sore. But there have been too many days where sitting, standing, even lying down, were too painful to do for very long.

I have so many pictures I've wanted to share, but am not up to it at the moment. Maybe another day.

Time With Dad

I had the most excellent day today! I spent the afternoon giving my dad computer lessons. :o) He's had a computer since March but he doesn't know what to do with it. He can turn it on and play Freecell. He can log onto the internet and do a search. But that was it. He didn't even know how to turn up the volume!

He's such a good learner and so very cute! haha I had a hard time not giggling at how amazed he was at what he is now able to do. He may forget it all by tomorrow, but that's okay. At least he's trying and I told him I'll come up every day till he feels like he's learned enough.

He sent his first e-mail (to me!) and was so tickled about it. My step-mom is out of town so she has no idea that he's even trying. He sent her an e-mail at work so she'll be surprised when she comes back home. He was SO cute! He kept saying, "I want to do this right. Do I need a comma here?" hehehe

An hour and a half of explaining how to open and close windows, left and right clicking, even how to use the scroll wheel thingy on the mouse! Tomorrow we're going to review what he learned today and learn how to save Favorites in IE. haha I can't wait!

Birds, Nests, and Eggs

Michael's job is eventually going to be installing sewer pipes at a part of town that still uses septic tanks. Before they can do that, though, they have to clear the brush to make room to dig. This has let to the discovery of nests and eggs.

The first nest they found, was so high up that they didn't see it until it was too late. One of them accidentally touched the nest and the eggs inside so it was abandoned by the bird. :o( They felt so bad about it.

A few days later, they spotted another nest. This one was lower to the ground, so was easy to see. Even I could see it with no problem, without even getting out of the truck! I did, though, because I was curious. Without touching, I was able to see 4 little eggs. They were light green and reminded me of Easter candy! I knew all birds couldn't lay eggs as big as chickens...but didn't know they came already dyed. hehehe

Michael and George were so excited about the 2nd nest. They purposely left the tree it was in and some surrounding bush so the bird would stay and feel safe enough to hatch her eggs. It worked. The bird even started to trust them and started to stay in her nest while they were working close by.

Their one mistake was to let the boss know. As soon as he was told, he grabbed a saw and cut down the tree! I was SO upset when Michael told me. The boss is my cousin and I wanted so much to give him a piece of my mind. Michael said that the nest was where they wouldn't reach it until well after the eggs had hatched...possibly not even until next spring or summer. There was no reason to cut down the tree. It was a senseless, very cruel thing to do and the next time I see my cousin, I will tell him how disappointed I am.

A few days later, Michael was driving toward the dump site to dump a load of brush they had cut. He noticed what looked like a bird in the road. It didn't move when he drove by and that seemed strange to him. He backed up and realized that it was still alive. Just like last time, he put his gloves on, picked it up, and put it in the grass along-side the road. He figures it must have been stunned by being bumped by a car or something. He stopped to check on it when he came back but the bird was gone. So at least we know he wasn't seriously injured.

God Works in Amazing Ways...

Even through MySpace! After having a long day with way too much quiet time to think, I started to feel down. I was feeling sad and alone. Then I decided to check my pages. I have a MySpace page and received the following in a bulletin:

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"

He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it"

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them. And, whatever they're going through, they'll be a better person in the end.



"Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once."

Independence Day

Being a native village, I always found it odd how we make such a big deal out of Independce Day. Why would we celebrate when the whole reason the forefathers had land to claim was because they took it from natives? We don't look it at that way, though. The majority of our men, and some of our women, have grown up to serve in the military. We've lost some good men to war over the years and we are proud of each and every one of them. That's what we celebrate. The pride we have in our own to stand up for their country and give their lives so that those left behind can live happy and free.

When it comes to celebrating, we sure know how to throw a party! The entire town pulls together and we have a huge celebration that lasts all day long. At least a dozen booths are set up by people who sell food and toys. You can buy anything from a whoopie cushion to a shish-ka-bob to a deep-fried Snickers bar. There are races and contests for all ages. Here's Mykayla running in her race. You gotta love her curly hair! :o)

Here's Lucione waiting for them to say "GO!" so she can dive into her watermelon. She didn't place but she had a lot of fun trying and got a free watermelon out of the deal, too! One thing our town does, is give a dollar to everyone who enters a contest. Just for standing on the starting line, you get a dollar. Winners get ten, second place gets seven, and third place gets five dollars. I think that's pretty cool. To some of these kids, the one little dollar means a lot!

Here's Theodore in the orange shirt. This race is called the Duck Walk. Other races and contests included: a slow bike race (where the last person to cross the finish line was the winner), tug-of-war, the sand pit (where the littlest kids get to dig in the sand and whatever coins they find, they keep), the egg-in-spoon race (where you carry a raw egg in a plastic spoon...first one to cross the finish line with their egg still intact wins), the egg toss (play catch and get further apart after each toss...last one to break their egg wins), an apple peeling contest for the guys, a nail driving contest for the gals, and a three-legged race.

Here's Alexys in her three-legged race. Her friend's name is Hannah. They've entered as partners since they were old enough for the race and they win every year. I don't have any pictures of Lindsey in races because she got side-tracked by the water and spent her day swimming. She tries to blame it on the other kids saying, "They threw me in 7 times!" But I just told her, "Well, you must have enjoyed it because you stuck around and kept going back for more!" haha I'm glad she enjoyed herself. Normally she's pretty competetive so it was good for her to just hang out and have fun for a change.

Once all the contests are completed, we take a little break and then gather at the breakwater for a fireworks display. This years were really good. The VFD did an excellent job with thim this year (and I'm not just saying that 'cause the majority of them are family!). Everyone was pleased. Once the town fireworks were done, Michael and I followed our nephew John (Mykayla and Craig's dad) out to the other end of the island and he let us watch him light his own. There were a lot of people out there and we could see all of their fireworks as well. We had a lot of fun. So much, that we didn't stop till nearly 2AM! When we finally gave up, we cleaned up our area and stopped at the dump on the way back into town to get rid of the garbage. We pulled into our driveway at 2:10 AM. It was a long, exhausting, but totally fun day!

I can't wait till August 7th to do it all over again. :o)

My Saturday

We went to Town yesterday. We brought the puppies for their 3rd vaccination. They are now fully vaccinated until next summer.

It was a gorgeous, warm, summer day. We did a little shopping and drove all over the island just enjoying the day and each other. It was so nice to have a change of scenery for a few hours. hehe

I don't know how many of you remember the posts I wrote about being a foster mother. I had my cousins kids for 5 months when they were 1 yr. old and 5 wks. old.

They live in Town now, and I hadn't seen them since December. Yesterday while shopping for groceries, I ran into my cousin and she had her kids with her. Lexi, the older of the two, crawled out of the cart and came to give me a big hug. When we left, she yelled "See you! Love you!" as we were crossing the parking lot. It was SO good to see them. Brady wouldn't stop smiling, but didn't say a whole lot. That's fine, though. I'm just glad to see that they looked happy and well. I wanted to take them home for the 4th of July but Carmen wasn't up to a visit and wouldn't let the kids come alone. :o(

That was my excitement for the day. Other than practicing my text message skills on my cell phone. hehe That was a lot of fun.

Today I think we're going to cut some firewood for the smoke house. Tomorrow is Michael's birthday. He's requested spaghetti and chocolate cake. Every year he tells me he doesn't want a party and every year I get pressured into having one. Nobody's said anything yet so hopefully, he'll have a quiet, peaceful birthday for a change.

That's it for now. You all take care and if I don't post again before then, have a happy and safe 4th of July!

It's Not About Me

So I think I'm finally at a more positive place in my life. The situations that have been stressing me out are still there, I've just chosen not to stress anymore. They are beyond my control and turning gray or developing an ulcer will not rectify them, so I'm just letting them take their course.

Part of why I'm feeling better, is because I've quit thinking about myself. I've quit wondering what will happen to me when this is all said and done. I know God will take care of me and I'll be just fine. I may not know what's going to happen tomorrow, but I know who holds tomorrow!

I've recently done some things for others for no reason other than I wanted to. They mean a lot to me and I wanted to show them.

My mom received a free DVD player as part of some kind of free promotion. She doesn't have a lot of money right now so I knew she wouldn't be buying herself any DVD's any time soon so I ordered a couple of her favorite musicals from Amazon and had them shipped directly to her.

A friend of mine is always encouraging me to sing. I haven't performed in years and often find myself singing out loud when I'm home...alone. She tells me, "Oh, just open the windows and let people hear." But I'm too self-conscious for that. But I managed to surprise her when I bought a program that allowed me to record myself singing with my computer. I e-mailed the song to her and I think she really appreciated it. I purposely sent it without listening long enough to critique myself. I just made sure it got my voice (it took 3 tries to do it right! haha) and then attatched it to an e-mail. I know that if I had listened, I would have decided against sending it. I am my own worst critic and being as shy and self-conscious as I am, even if I had sang it perfectly (which I didn't, I realized once I listened to it in its entirety) I would have found a reason to not send it.

On the rare occassion I get out of the house and actually interact with people, I've made it a point to really interact. Normally I just wave or say a quick hello and keep moving...again, part of my insecurities. But this whole week, every time I was out of the house, if someone even smiled at me, I'd stop and say hello. If they were family or a friend, they got a hug from me. I asked how they were and listened to their answers.

Just by placing my focus on others and not myself, I'm beginning to feel better about this journey we are all on.

God on the Mountain

I've been having a really hard time lately, trying to be positive. Trying to remember that I have a good life; a blessed life; a life with a purpose and direction.

Things in my family are all screwed up at the moment. I have no idea how things are going to turn out, but I know in my heart, that I have done all I possibly could.

The thing is, I've been letting all of these problems totally consume me. I haven't been able to blog because I don't want this blog to turn in to a "woe is me" type of thing that drives people away. I haven't been spending a lot of time outside of my house because I've been afraid to face people - the family that is feuding, the curious ones who always ask what's going on, just anybody. I haven't been able to sleep because I've been holding on to this stress and worry like my life depended on it.

But ya know what? It doesn't. My life is not defined by this situation. I've let it be, but it's time to let go. In all of this, I've forgotten what's most important: my relationship with my God, my faith in Him, and the fact that He's still here. The rest of the world can turn their back on me and it won't matter. I still have God.

I'm always so quick to thank God and give Him the praise for the good things that happen. It's true that all good comes from Him, but he doesn't desert me when things go bad.

I love listening to gospel music. One of my favorite songs is God on the Mountain. It's all about how God is always there for you.

The God on the moutain is still God in the valley.

When things go wrong, He'll make them right.

The God of the good times is still God in the bad times.

The God of the day is still God in the night.

I woke up singing that song today and I've been singing it all day long.

I Can't Think of a Title

We haven't really been doing a whole lot lately. Well, I haven't, anyway. Michael's been working for about a week now. He "should" be working until at least November and then we'll see what happens. I want him to stay home this Winter but he's already hinted at returning to the other company. *sigh*
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That's partly why I keep thinking we need to move. It would be so nice to be some place where he can find work AND live with me. That's not too much to ask for, is it? I suppose I should be grateful for the time we have together...because there are families who go through more difficult separations due to military obligations and such.

I've mentioned moving to Michael a few times and he keeps pretending I'm kidding. He'll laugh it off and change the subject no matter how many times I bring it up. He's not ready to leave. I sometimes think I am but it's for all the wrong reasons.

Besides, as hard as things are right now, there are good things about living here, too. We're close to family. This island is BEAUTIFUL and I am in constant awe of my surroundings. We live a pretty calm life here. There is no crime. We don't have to lock our doors at night. There have been times we haven't even "closed" our door, even while being out all day long. You can't walk down the street or drive 2 blocks without someone smiling and waving at you. Everyone knows you by name. You're not just another face in the crowd here. People know you (which isn't always good).
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Michael's dad was sent to the hospital today. He was having chest pains and they were afraid it was his heart. They checked him out and it's not his heart. He has bronchitis. They are going to monitor him overnight, start him on anti-biotics, and he can come home tomorrow. I'm SO glad it wasn't anything more serious. The man never slows down and it scares me.
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We had Theodore and Lindsey overnight last weekend. They entertained each other so it wasn't so bad for me. We were going to let them walk the puppies with Michael. He put the leashes on the collars and was doing something at the back of the truck. By the time he turned around, the kids were long gone. They took off running. He didn't feel like trying to catch up so we just drove behind them in the truck. They ran an entire mile. I wish I had half their energy!
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There's really nothing more to say at the moment. I haven't been out of the house much because of the weather so haven't anything exciting to tell you about. Sorry!

Feeling Lost

This is a view of my hometown. We were on the ferry on our way to Town last month when I took this photo.

I never intended to spend my entire life living here. I used to long for the day I'd get off what we affectionately call the Rock.

I had a change of heart once I married. I thought things would be better and for a long time they were.

Do you ever get the feeling you need to move on? Like you've been stagnant too long? Like you're running in place on a treadmill and can't find the off switch?

That's me lately. Things are happening here. Things that are deeply upsetting to me. Things that are tearing my family apart.

I want so much to fix what's wrong but it's not my place. I want so much to pick up and go, but that's not my decision to make, either. I'm tied up in knots not sure what our next step should be.

Feels Like Summer

Last night while driving down a dirt road, we spotted something. At first we thought it was a rock, then a slight breeze came and it seemed to move. We thought maybe a piece of clothing because we were not the only vehicle on the road and an animal would have moved out of the way.

When we got closer, I realized it was a bird. I thought it was hurt because it wasn't moving its wings and every time it tried to walk, it would fall flat. I got worried because I thought for sure if we had left it there it would get run over by one of the other vehicles traveling the same road.

Normally I am not fond of birds. I enjoy watching them from a distance, but would never have one for a pet. I did that once...never again. Birds are one small step up from cats, if ya ask me.
Anyway, Michael put on his gloves and got out of the truck to get a closer look. Turns out it wasn't an injured bird. It was a chick. He probably fell out of his nest and was either stunned and disoriented, or a little banged up. He knelt down and stroked his head. He didn't run away so he picked him up. After inspecting and deciding he wasn't seriously hurt, he put him under the bushes at the road side. Hopefully, he stayed there until he was found by his mother. I hate to think of what would have happened had Michael not helped him out.

We got well into the 70's today for the first time this year. It's supposed to be warmer tomorrow and the next day. I think I'm going to need to go on a picnic!

With all of this great weather and free time on our hands, we've been spending a lot of time outdoors. Some of it driving, some of it walking, basically just doing whatever will keep us out of the house.

The puppies are doing well. They're growing and are as active as ever. The only time Copper stops moving is to sleep. Oh, and when its time to go down stairs.

We stood there for what felt like forever giving gentle tugs on the lease. He never did budge so we ended up having to pick him up and carry him down the stairs. I guess that's good, though. At least for now we won't have to worry about him making a run for it when the door is left open.

Smokin'

Smoking...it's something I didn't try until after I married.

It had been 2 years since the last time we smoked but we started again yesterday.

We couldn't help it. The cravings were too strong.

Two years is a long time between smokes, ya know.

We figured we had waited long enough. Now was as good a time to start as any.

So we did it. We quit fightin the urge.

We started the smokehouse yesterday and our first batch of fish should be done tonight!

Catching Up

Lindsey's on her way so I have to do this quick...

I'm sorry I haven't updated lately. May is a very busy month for me with school ending and all of the graduations, etc. With Michael being home and not working, I don't spend a lot of time on the computer. Not until late evening when I'm too lazy to type! :o)

Not a whole lot to update on, though. Now that things have settled down its starting to feel like summer vacation. Even the rain feels like summer. It's actually falling straight down rather than sideways! It' s a warm rain, too.

The puppies are growing. They are very playful but when left alone, they tend to play rough with each other. Copper is still afraid to go down stairs.

My girls are trying softball for the first time. They played a couple games in Town last weekend but lost. They're having fun, though, and that's what counts! I'm so glad that they are not afraid to try new things.

I hear Lindsey...gotta go!

Summertime and the Livin' is Easy

I hope the fish are jumpin' because my dad took Michael out fishing today. It's perfect fishing weather; no wind and a light, misty rain. Not so perfect for walking home from work, though. I'm drenched.

I don't mind a bit, though. I just finished up my last work day, the principal gave me rave reviews and my prospects for next year look good (no more science, YAY!). My pocket is holding my paycheck and even with my bum ankle, there was a spring in my step. :o)

I actually love rain at this time of year. The flowers seem more fragrant and the bugs hide away. I was almost disappointed to find myself arriving at home so quickly. Had I not been limping, I would have liked to keep right on walking.

So anyway, about my evaluation. The principal gave me the highest marks possible in EVERY. SINGLE. CATEGORY! Talk about a boost to the ego! He also said that my time in science class is wasted. Not because I didn't do any good, but because I could be doing so much more. So next year, if I have a lot of holes in my schedule again, rather than playing second fiddle to the science teacher (which I was SO not looking forward to - he taught my Lindsey this year and I am not impressed with him, even slightly, in any way shape or form and I think the district was crazy to keep him on staff but I am somewhat relieved to know he won't be in a regular classroom.), I'm going to be a tutor working one-on-one or in small groups. I love that! I'd do that all day if they'd let me. My technology duties will be increasing, also. Not so much that I'm in charge of the district, but he is going to recommend that I be in charge of my building. We're starting new programs and his reasoning is, if I'm the only one who knows how to run them, they can't let me go no matter how many cuts they need to take. Nice to know he wants me to stick around! It could also mean another small paycheck for me this summer when the new tech person arrives from Florida.

Lucione, Lindsey, and Alexys are on the girls softball team. Its the inaugural year and they are having a blast. Tomorrow they travel to a neighboring community for their first game. I won't be going because I have to take my puppies to the vet on Saturday. Can't afford to be over there all weekend until Michael starts working full-time.

I have no idea what I am going to be doing this summer. I'm not planning to travel. I'm hoping to get back to regular posting. I'm looking forward to relaxing, maybe do some reading. For now, though, I've got to find some lunch. Have a great day! :o)

MY Mother's Day

I already told you about our picnic at the beach. But what I didn't mention, was the fact that I received gifts for Mother's Day.

When we got back, I was surprised to find 2 gift bags on my living room floor. I read the cards and was even more surprised. One was from my in-laws, the other from my nieces. Mother's Day cards...for me? I was taken off-guard but really do appreciate the fact that they thought about me. I know that my mother-in-law was behind both of them and that made it all the more special. I received these 2 cards and 2 new blouses. Oh, and $20.

You'll have to click the cards to read the writing.
This is the inside of the card. My mother-in-law wrote a very nice, and surprising message. I was very touched because she doesn't always verbalize her feelings. She's never quite said "thank you" before...so this was a nice surprise.
My father-in-law, on the other hand...always tells me how much he loves me. He calls me "Babe" like I'm one of his daughters and has made me feel like one of his own from day 1.

This is the card I received from my nieces.

My Weekend (Most of it) In Pictures

I have not been home much at all lately. If you normally correspond with me via computer, you'd have noticed. Michael and I spent the entire weekend together being outdoors as much as we could. I didn't even mind that gas is now over $3.11 a gallon...I'd have paid twice that to have the weekend we had.

On Friday we had an early supper and jumped in the truck. We were out from about 5:00 till well after 10PM. We drove, walked, drove, and walked some more. Neither of us cared what time it was or what we were missing on TV...it was just nice to be outdoors.

Saturday was much of the same. Outdoors all day long. We were exercising the puppies for a bit and I started taking pictures. My dad loves being outdoors as much as I do...especially on the water. I don't know why I was so surprised to realize that the boat I was trying to focus on was my dads! I'm not sure who he has with him, but that's him standing. I just missed his wave.

We visited different lakes around the island and saw a beaver in almost every one. Here's one with a branch for his dam.

We were outdoors all day and I couldn't go home without taking the opportunity to take some photos of the sunset.

Michael is always trying to take pictures of the moon. We either don't have the right camera or don't know how to use this one properly...but he never gives up trying. Looks pretty good this time, though.

Before finally going home, we showed our neice Marie how to steam oysters so she could try them for the first time. She really enjoyed them. She didn't even allow them time to cool before she started popping them in her mouth!

One of my favorite summer activities is going to the beach. Last summer I didn't go once. Michael was gone for most of the summer and its no fun going alone. Sunday we spent the entire day on a picnic.

We roasted hotdogs and marshmallows and just sat and visited for hours. The weather was great and the beach was peaceful and calm. This is the beginning of what would become, hopefully, just our first beach fire of the year.

Copper and Bianca enjoyed their first outing to the beach. I don't think they understood why we wouldn't let them near the water, but they both had a blast in the sand!

I think Bianca tired herself out.

Mother's Day...Just Another Day

Longing for the Sun

I was 12 years old when you said goodbye
With no explanation why
You got in your car and drove away
All I could do was cry
You said you loved me, you loved my dad
But you couldn’t stick around
What does that mean? I’m confused
It must feel this way to drown
Trying so hard to get some air
Some stable ground to stand on
Fight through the waves of anger and pain
I still can’t believe you’re gone
Had you died, I could have learned
To accept being left behind
But you just left and I don’t know why
I feel I’m losing my mind
Do you even realize what you’ve left behind?
What we go through each day?
My dad’s depressed, my sister’s mad
I believe I’ve lost my way
There were no bitter words exchanged
Not even an angry glance
No clue that you would pack your things
And run at your first chance
How long were you unhappy?
What made you want to leave?
You said you loved us but still can’t stay
I don’t know what to believe
I’m afraid that I will always hurt
I’ll always be in pain
You’re gone and you can’t tell me why
Am I the one to blame?
I’m trying so hard to come to terms
With what you’ve done to me
I’m longing for the day I wake
And finally feel set free
Set free from the anger, guilt and shame
Of forcing you to run
Free from clouds of self-doubt and blame
Finally free to feel the sun

I wrote this when I was a freshman in high school. I was 14 and confused about my parents’ divorce.

I came home from school after just starting the 7th grade. My mom was on the living room floor crying. She had the cassette tapes out on the floor separated into piles. I asked her what she was doing. She told me she was sorting tapes because she was going to be packing. She was leaving the next day. When I asked how long she’d be gone, she said, “Forever, I’m leaving your dad.” My sister started yelling at her and that made me cry. She couldn’t tell us why. She just kept saying, “I love you two, and I love your dad, but I can’t stay here. I need to ‘find myself’.” Whatever that means.

Every year around this time, I get upset. Knowing Mother’s Day is coming stirs up all the feelings I tried so hard to suppress when I was younger. I buy her gifts, call her up and tell her I love her, but in the back of my mind, I have flashbacks of when she left.

I remember my dad crying in the dark. I remember him not being able to eat because of the ulcer he developed not long after she left. I remember him drinking in an attempt to drown his pain.

I remember my sister getting mad at the world. She lost her smile. She forgot how to be happy. She forgot how to be a family. Her grades stayed high, but everything else went down hill. The living room became my bedroom because she claimed she couldn’t stand the sight of me. I eventually came to accept her behavior and it stopped hurting. She eventually outgrew her bitterness and we became sisters and friends once again.

I remember myself going to school trying to pretend everything was okay. I remember standing on a stool to do laundry because, without one, I couldn’t reach the clothes at the bottom of the washer. I remember the frustration of learning to cook rice because if I didn’t cook, I didn’t eat and neither did my sister. Now that I’m grown, I don’t cook rice all that often. I don’t even cook unless I have to.

Being an adult, it really bothers me that this still hurts. How is it she was able to move on and act like nothings happened while the rest of us suffered? How do I know? Because she was gone less than a year before she became engaged. Because she has been home 3 times in the 22 years she has been away. Because she doesn’t take the time to ask me how I’m doing.

I think I finally understand why it is that I bend over backwards to help Space Cadet with her children even though I sometimes resent her irresponsibility. I don’t ever want her daughters to experience anything like what I did. I can’t keep Space Cadet’s marriage together should it fall apart, but I can make sure those girls feel loved and accepted each and every day of their lives. I can make sure that they know that, no matter what, someone cares. They matter to someone. They are important to someone.

I’ll never know why my mom left. I’ll never understand what her reasons are. Maybe I’m not supposed to. I finally admitted to someone else just the other night, that I tend to get withdrawn and somewhat depressed every Mother’s Day. Not because I don’t have a mother. Not because I hate my mother, but because I love her. She hurt me like nobody else has been able to…but I love her. She ends every conversation we have (which, sadly, are few and far between lately) with the same phrase I used to say to her when I was about 3 years old. Maybe she still thinks of me that way. Maybe she’s trying to make me think of life when I was that young. Maybe she wants me to remember when we were still a family; still happy. Who knows. All I know is I’m not very fond of Mother’s Day.