If God Was Testing Me...

...I hope I passed. What a weekend I've had. I'm so thankful for Michael's family. If it weren't for them, I don't know how I'd be able to survive. Being so far from my mom and sister is hard enough, but when she pulls stunts like she did on Friday, it's almost unbearable.

My mom called me at 3:00 on Friday afternoon. Thank God the inauguration was that day because I was home early. Normally, I'm not home until after 4PM.

I answered the phone and she was hysterical. I couldn't understand what she was saying for a while and when I finally did decipher it, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Your sister is in her room screaming that she wants to kill herself and she's got all her pill bottles open!"

I asked if the door was locked. She said no. She wanted me to call my sisters cell phone and see if I could calm her down. Her cell phone was off...or not charged. I got voice mail.

I called Mom back and told her I couldn't reach my sister. "What do I do?" she asked.

"Go into her room and take her pills away," I tell her.

She's on a cordless phone so she takes it with her into my sisters room. What I heard next will give me nightmares for a long time.

Mom: "Kerri's on the phone, want to talk to her?"

Sister: "NO! Tell her I'm killing myself!"

Mom: "She told me to take the pills away. Where are they?"

Sister: "They're gone."

Mom: "Where are the pills?!"

Sister: "They're gone! I told you I want to die!"

Mom: "Give them to me, WHERE ARE THEY?!?"

Sister: "It's too late. I took them!"

Mom starts screaming, "You did not! Give them to me! Where are they?"

I'm trying to get my mom's attention. When I finally do, I tell her, "Hang up the phone. Dial 911. Tell them what's going on."

Mom asks, "What if she didn't really take them?"

"Call anyway," I tell her, "Either way, she needs help! Dial NOW!"

I hung up and waited. After about 15 minutes when she didn't call back, I called her. The paramedics were there. My sister had hidden the pills and gave them to the paramedics when they arrived. Mom wanted them to take her but they wouldn't. She begged them to talk to me. I explained my sisters situation to them in great detail. Telling them how she got hurt, how she is totally dependant on my mom for everything yet refuses help, how she was screaming about wanting to die just a few minutes before. They said, "I'm sorry, but she gave us the pills. She didn't swallow any. She doesn't appear to meet the criteria to be a mental patient so we have to leave her here."

I have never felt so helpless in my entire life. My sister was having a break-down, my mom was hysterical, the people who could have helped refused to, and I may as well have been calling from Pluto because I have no way to get to them.

After the paramedics left, I calmed my mom down as best I could. She's afraid my sister will try again. I told her to dial 911 immediately if she does no matter how many times she threatens. She'll either get tired of the paramedics showing up or quit threatening.

I hate that my mom has to go through this. I hate that my sister is in so much pain, physically and emotionally.

I was supposed to take care of Lindsey and Lucione during the inauguration but left them home alone with Michael. He didn't want me to go, but I needed a distraction. I went late, and didn't eat, but it was good to get out of the house for the short time. Later that night, I invited my sisters-in-law over to show off my popcorn machine. They had no idea what had happened earlier in the evening and I still haven't told them. I knew if they knew, they'd want to talk about it to make sure I was okay and I didn't want to talk about it. They made me laugh, as I knew they would.

Lastnight I kept Lucione and Lindsey overnight. The more distractions the better because when I slow down, I think about Friday and then end up either really sad or angry over the whole thing. In about 20 minutes, we're going over to Michael's parent's house for a turkey dinner. My niece Marie, Lindsey and Lucione's older sister, is turning 20 tomorrow but we're having dinner for her today.