Starting to Feel Normal

I woke up without a headache this morning. First time in almost 2 weeks. I'm not really coughing anymore. It's down to just an occasional sneeze and blowing my nose every 2 minutes.

Anyway, I've neglected my blog this week. Partly from not feeling well, but also because I was just not up to writing. For some reason, I had an extremely difficult time saying goodbye to Michael this time. The day he left I think I cried every time I thought of him. I went to work which helped a little...except that he knew I was upset so kept calling to check up on me throughout the morning.

Some days are better than others, but nothing ever feels quite right when he's not here. I find myself feeling bad for enjoying things I know he would enjoy, too. I've even turned down a few invitations because I knew I'd feel guilty for having fun alone.

I don't know why that is. He doesn't seem to have trouble getting out and doing things. He shops, goes to movies, eats at restaraunts, etc. I guess after 13 years of doing almost everything together, it just doesn't feel right to me to do things alone.

Hopefully, I'll shake this cold once and for all and get out of this self-pity funk I seem to be in and all will be okay again.

If you're the praying kind, say a little prayer for Jayleigh. She's going to have surgery soon and even though I have complete faith that she'll be okay, she'll be glad to know we're thinking of her.

What Am I Doing Here?

I’m so sleepy today. My head was all stuffed up so I took medicine. Cold medicine puts me to sleep; even if it is a daytime medicine. Now I’m worse off than before because simple movements have become a chore. All I want to do is put my head down and sleep.

Add that to the fact that the kids are riled up today and I’m in big trouble. I can’t even believe I came in to work. I drug myself in despite my body and everyone I know telling me not to. Now I’m suffering because of it. Hehe

I had a really nice weekend, though. Michael and I took Lindsey for a short walk yesterday. We went to Sand Dollar Beach. It was overcast, but not raining and barely any wind to speak of. It was so nice to be out in the fresh air.

We really do live in a beautiful place and I consider myself very blessed to be here.

I can’t wait until the road to Town is complete so that we won’t be so isolated. We’ll still have to depend on the ferry to get us out of here, but at least the travel time will be greatly reduced and it will be able to make multiple runs daily.

I’m typing this mainly as an attempt to stay awake so please excuse my rambling.

The weather today is quite nice. It was partly cloudy when I came to work. It’s supposed to start raining and blowing by tomorrow afternoon, though. That means that even though Michael’s flight does not leave until 12:58 PM, he’ll have to leave on one of the first flights out of here in the morning. The ferry does not make a run on Tuesdays so he’s going to have to beat the weather.

It kinda worked out for the best, anyway, since we need to renew the registration on the truck. It’s actually been expired since July. OOPS

Before we walked to the beach yesterday, we let Lindsey drive the truck. She’s only allowed to drive 20 mph and only on the abandon air strip on the other end of the island.

I always tease her that someone will call the cops and tell them they saw a kid driving. When I say that, she sits up as straight as she can to try and look older.

Yesterday, she sat up straight and tall and then asked me if I could slide down in my chair and look like a kid. I humored her and once the other car had passed I asked, “Do you think it worked?”

She said no, but when the next car came, she asked me to do it again. Haha

This class is over in 5 minutes and then I have one more computer class. I think after that I’ll ask to go home. If I’m still awake by then.

For Tee

Light green words are links.

In the comments of my last post, Tee made me giggle by saying "I'm trying to understand geography of your location. LOL. Is it kind of an island?"

To answer your question Tee, yes, I live on an island. I live at the bottom of what some know as the Alaskan Panhandle. It's a chain of islands in southeast Alaska. If you look at a map of Alaska, it's the chain of islands pointing down towards B.C. Canada, and Washington state.

I've talked about my home a few times in the past. I wrote an ABC poem, I elaborated a bit more later on by listing some facts about my home, and even posted a picture.

These links were mainly to benefit Tee (or anyone else who is a fairly new reader of my blog) but also a cop-out because I've been (needlessly) stressing all day about getting Michael home and don't have the energy to write a proper post.

BTW, it's around 8PM...he'll be home in less than an hour!

The End is Near...

The end of my cold, at least. I think I’m beginning to see the light at the end of this long tunnel that is my cold.

I had a bad coughing spell today at work where I couldn’t catch my breath, but that was because Tech Guy left me to rearrange the computers in a classroom while he went and ran cable in another. I got too warm and felt like I was suffocating. I had a hard time catching my breath. Breathing deep irritated my throat and then it was non-stop coughing for about 10 minutes. Not fun. I didn’t have a headache today, though, so I’m taking that as a good sign.

I was in science all afternoon today. Thursdays are rough because we have two kindergarten classes in a row. We use Foss kits and they’re set up for centers, not as classroom lessons. Add that to the fact that today was only their second science class and we were scrambling to figure out what to do. The lessons not only have to be modified, but we still have to assess these kids to see how much they can handle at one time. We tried breaking up into groups, and still were not able to finish the lesson.

They were a lot of fun, though. My niece Mikayla was so confused to see me there. “Aunty Kerri, why are you in the computer lab, the library, AND now science?”

I told her I didn’t have enough computer classes to keep me busy so I help out in other places, too. “Well, is there anyplace ELSE I should look for you?”

She always has been one to speak her mind.

Michael comes tomorrow. He’s trying to find a way home from Town. The last flight home is at 4:30. Michael lands at 4:33. There’s a guy who runs people back and forth on his boat for a fee but we’re having trouble contacting him. I’m hoping if it doesn’t work out, a friend of ours will go and get him even though it will be a huge inconvenience to him. He’s going to Town on the ferry tomorrow…will be on the ferry home by the time Michael lands. He’d then have to get in his boat and go right back to Town in order to pick up Michael and bring him home.

You all don’t really want to read the boring details that are my life, do you? I’ll stop now. Lindsey should be here soon, anyway. She’s been wanting to visit but I’ve been too sick.

UPDATE: I just talked to Michael and the man who usually runs people back and forth can't pick him up because his boat broke down. I'm hoping our friend will be able to go get him. His visits home are short enough without giving up a night to stay in Town.

Back to Work

Next time I’m sick, someone please tell me to drag my rear end into work no matter how badly I want to stay home.

I was surrounded by 3 different people with 3 different problems as soon as I walked in the door!

One was still complaining about a problem from last week. I told her last week that the tech guy would have to do it because it was a server problem. Something I couldn’t handle.

She said, “Well, we didn’t know where you put the instructions so he wanted me to call tech support again but I don’t have time.”

“I put the instructions in his mailbox.”

“Well, he said he couldn’t find them.”

I walked over to his box, pulled out the top sheet and it was what they were looking for. “Look, right here in his box.”

“Oh, well he must not know he has one. Do you have the paper now?”

“No…it’s in his mailbox!”

I’m sure I sounded irritated by then, but really, who could blame me? How many times do I have to tell you? IT’S IN HIS BOX!

Then another teacher came…

“I told the tech guy about my printing and network problems. He said he’d try to get to me by the end of the week. Is there anything you can do?”

“No, I told you last week, anything that has to do with the network, the tech guy has to do because I don’t have access to the server.”

Do these people even listen to me?!

Then the principal came in. “Did Mrs. L. tell you she told the tech guy about the problem?”

“Yes,” I said, “and everything he needed to fix it was right there in his box.”

“Send him an e-mail…tell him he has a box and should check it once in a while.”

“I would, except he never answers my e-mail. Besides, Mrs. L. left a voice-mail message telling him exactly that.”
I swear, this school falls apart without me here! This is not even mentioning those who have already approached me about installing software on their computers. I’ve only been here 30 minutes!

My Favorite Mouse

I think I've spoken of my older cousin before. Her home was my safe haven throughout my childhood. Whenever I needed to be away from my home, I'd go to hers.

I learned to baby-sit watching her kids. I was only 7 the first time I was left alone with her firstborn. I still don't know what they were thinking leaving me in charge of an infant.

Anyway, she had 4 kids. A son and 3 daughters. My sister claimed the oldest daughter as "hers". If I even looked at her, I'd be in trouble. I was never allowed to pick her up unless my sister was not around.

I was never so happy to hear that there was another baby on the way. Another girl. This one would be all mine.

She was a little roly poly thing with a cute little nose and she constantly wore a smile. I commented one day how she was always so quiet. Even her cry was soft. "She's like a little mouse!" The nickname stuck.

She was the one who would come running to the door every time I walked in. Their living room was raised up above the rest of the house. She'd get a running start and leap off the stairs totally confident that I'd catch her and not fall down. I always did, thank goodness.

I always played with all the kids, but Mouse was the one who always found my lap. She'd ask me all sorts of questions and always had a story to share. Her favorite pastime was singing. She'd think of a Disney movie and we'd sing every song we knew. Her favorites were from Winnie the Pooh but she also loved Mary Poppins. Everytime a new one came out, we'd watch it together over and over until we knew the words of all the songs. Sometimes I'd sing alone and she'd dance. As quiet as she was, she loved to perform.

As she grew older, she became more athletic. She was the star of the basketball team wherever she played. She went to 3 different high schools and was on the starting 5 of all three teams.

Now she's a junior in college. She's still as sweet, kind, and generous as she always was. I miss not having her around but am so proud of what she's accomplishing and the young woman she has become.

Today is her birthday. My little Mouse is 22 years old.




This was taken at a hotel in Town about 5 years ago. That's Mouse in the red with her little sister on her lap.

Stormy Weather

The wind and rain were really pounding my house last night. The computer said it was gusting 35mph but my house was shaking. It had to be harder than that. The rain was falling so hard it sounded like a fire hose was spraying my window. The crazy wind kept changing direction so I was imagining a fireman running back and forth between my two bedroom windows with his hose! I had taken a dose of Nyquil before going to bed. Nyquil makes me loopy.

This morning I tried my best to sleep in but couldn’t lie there past 7:00. Around 8AM I had to go out and gather all the things that had been relocated by the wind. My trash can, an ice chest, other odds and ends…they all at least stayed close to home. I didn’t have to go too far to find them.

I’m feeling a little better today but you can’t tell by hearing me talk. If I can breathe in the morning I’m going to go to work but Michael made me promise to call in if I didn’t feel up to it.

That’s one good thing (or maybe not so good) about him working away from home. He used to call in sick for me before I even woke up. At least now it’s up to me.

Because of the nasty weather and this nasty cold of mine, I haven’t been able to do a whole lot this weekend. I watched a couple movies. Crash is a pretty good movie. Makes you think. King’s Ransom was kinda funny.

I’ve got pork chops baking in the oven because I was too lazy to stand at the stove and fry them up. Better go finish preparing the rest of my meal before the pork chops are done!

Be Careful What You Wish For

I should have known. Just by saying that I would prefer my cold hit me hard over the weekend, I jinxed myself. I could barely talk this morning and even now, it’s not much better. I wanted so much to call in sick but I have one final test to administer today and it’s not till 2:00.

I’m afraid I’ve fallen behind on everyone’s blogs, including my own. I haven’t been on my computer much at all this week. I don’t plan on leaving the house all weekend because of this lovely cold of mine, so I’ll use that time to catch up.

The weather has been beautiful all week. We’re approaching the first day of autumn and still get 70 degree weather every day. I’m hoping this doesn’t mean an extra mild winter. I love the cold weather. The colder it is the better. Maybe I should move further north. I’ll do a backwards migration. I’ll go north for winter and south for the summer.

We’ve almost been in school a month already. I can’t believe how fast it has gone. It’s been so much fun, though. At least when I don’t think about all the technical problems we had. The kids have been a blast. They’re always saying things that crack me up. It’s hard to be in a bad mood at work.

Craig makes me smile every single day. I pass him in the hallway and he’s learned not to call out or wave while he’s in line. He has, however, found a way to say hello. He waits till we have eye contact and then he raises his eyebrows 2 or 3 times. He looks like a little Groucho without the cigar.

Duty calls…

FYI

Today is Hug a Crabby Stranger Day!

Random Ramble

I’m so glad its Wednesday. No real reason except that the week is half over.

There’s an assembly today, too. Today is the anniversary of the day the Star Spangled Banner was written. To celebrate, the high school band is coming to play and the Veteran Color Guard will be carrying the flags. The kids will sing and I’m not sure what else will be going on.

Lucione is in the band. She says she’s “a little excited”, which usually means she can’t wait. She was born to be in the spotlight. She loves it.

Michael will be home in 9 days. I try really hard not to count down because it feels like it makes the days go longer. But it’s hard not to when HE asks me every time we talk how many more days there are.

This head cold of mine is still nagging at me. It’s not really a full-blown cold. I just wake up congested and then have a head ache all day. Other than the head ache I don’t “feel” sick. I wish it would just hit me hard and be over and done with.

Preferably, over the weekend since I just found out I got a pay raise and don’t want to miss work! Haha

It’s time for me to go to science class. Sorry for the rambling post. Didn’t really think I had much to say but wanted to post “something”.

Music to My Ears

About 3 years ago, I was a foster parent to a niece and nephew of mine. My niece was 1 and a half and my nephew was 5 weeks old when I got them. I had them for 5 months.

My cousin was having some rough times in her marriage. Her husband drank and was very abusive. She had threatened suicide when we were growing up and even tried to OD at one time. With the drinking and abuse, all of her insecurities resurfaced.

It was a Sunday afternoon. She and her husband had a fight and he left. She called her mom, my aunt, and was crying. My aunt tried to ask her what was wrong but wasn't able to understand her. She panicked and called the police.

The police knocked on her door and there was no answer. They heard babies crying but the door was locked. They broke through the door and found my cousin wearing nothing but a blanket, unconscious on the living room floor. The babies were upstairs in their cribs crying, hungry, and scared.

They found empty pill bottles on the floor. She was rushed to the clinic to have her stomach pumped and then sent to the hospital inTown until she recovered.

Social Services took her babies away and, because her relationship with her mother was unstable, they were going to send them to Juneau for temporary placement unless they could find someone here in town to care for them immediately.

The next day, I was at work when my aunt came and told me what was going on. Michael was working and not able to be reached but I couldn't stand the thought of those babies being sent to strangers if I could prevent it.

I explained the situation to him when he got home and he said he understood. Later that night, we went to my aunt's and picked them up. I was so scared. I had no idea what to expect. 2 babies...totally dependent on someone they didn't even know.

Ahka can tell you how scared I was. I'd sign on to chat with her every day to tell her what was going on. I'd tell her how nervous I was and she'd calm me down and tell me how well I was doing.

For 5 months I had them. I watched them grow healther and happier. My niece was learining to talk and started to call Michael "DaDa". Those were 5 of the hardest but most rewarding months of my life.

We gave them back to my cousin just before Christmas that year. It was hard to let them go but I had to trust that my cousin would do what was best for them.

They moved to Town and I didn't see very much of them until they moved back home last winter. My cousin's marriage was still shaky and I always knew when there was trouble because she'd disappear for a while. She'd stop answering her phone and would rarely leave the house. Most likely waiting for the latest bruise to fade. She's finally started divorce proceedings and is now living with my aunt.

I was walking to the grocery store today and walked past my aunt's house. I noticed her front door was open, but didn't think anything of it. I was on a mission...had to get to the store and back home.

Then I heard it. A little voice was calling out. "Aunty Kerri! Aunty Kerri!"

I turned towards my aunts house and there was my niece. She was all dressed up and looked like one of the princesses from Disney's Sleeping Beauty...pointy hat and all.

"Hi, Baby! Look at you! You look like a princess!"

That made her giggle and she asked if she was a pretty princess. I told her, "I've never seen a prettier one."

She danced around on the porch to music only she could hear. Then her little brother came running out.

"Roar! Roar! Look at me! Roar!"

He had a little plastic tiger and was quite proud to show it off.

When I first got them they were both malnourished and underweight. They were plump and happy when we gave them back. I constantly worried about them but knew I had to give my cousin a chance to do what was right for those babies.

I've never been an advocate for divorce but it's the best thing for her, really. I sincerely hope she follows through. It always makes me happy to see her kids and, knowing all they've been through, hearing their squeals of joy is music to my ears.

Poor Mr. Tech Guy!

Apparently, Mr. Tech Guy is scared of me! HAHAHAHAHA! I think that is hilarious! He wants me to do some things around the building but won’t ask me directly. He talked to the principal about talking to me. HE thinks it’s hilarious, too! Not only that, he laughed at the thought of me doing what TG is asking me to do. HAHAHAHA that made my day!

Enough Already!

This is turning into one long week. Even after having Monday off. I’m tired of being asked the same questions and giving the same answers to the same teachers everyday. I feel so bad for the kids. If/when this testing software ever gets up and running, it will take me 3 weeks to complete. I’m supposed to test at the end of each quarter which means that after the 3 weeks I’ll have to start all over again. IF it works on Monday, then the kids will have one week of computers with no testing and then start right back in. That seems to be a very big “if” because the tech guy can’t find the paperwork he needs to renew the software.

I know in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t really all that big of an issue. I’m just frustrated. I tell them over and over again that I don’t have the answers yet they keep asking me. Even the principal expects me to know. I don’t have ESP. I am not able to communicate by mental telepathy. If the tech guy is not answering my calls, I don’t have answers. He of all people should understand that I’m not the person to go to. He calls me the Tech Guru when really, I’m far from it. Sure I can handle little things, like printer errors and software installations, but when it comes to the big stuff like networking and server issues, that’s not only out of my league, it’s out of my building. Even if I wanted to figure it out, I couldn’t without crossing campus.

On the plus side, the science teacher and I get along quite well. She’s got an excellent sense of humor. I’m not sure the kids have caught on to her sarcasm yet. She has a way of making science fun while still teaching the concepts they need to know.

The weather has been changing rather quickly lately. It will storm at night and be fairly good all day with only a few showers and then blow all night again. Right now it’s actually mostly sunny.

Lucione has come over a couple times to do homework, but I haven’t had kids sleeping at my house at all this week. It’s been kinda nice. I’m getting used to being alone and sometimes even enjoy it. That’s not to say I wouldn’t love it if Michael could work at home.

Well, being that I’m at work, I suppose I should quit rambling.

Wait a minute! Just as I was about to post this, the tech guy showed up and asked me to try the testing software again. It works! YAY!

Feels Like a Monday

We’re off to a great start! I’m supposed to be testing in the computer lab. Last week, the testing software expired because someone forgot to pay the licensing fee for this year. Everyone’s pointing their finger at everyone else when, in reality, it’s nobody’s fault because the tech guy left without letting anyone know it needed renewal.

The teachers are anxious to get the testing out of the way and the software is used for other things, as well.

I walk into the building this morning and I swear the teachers were waiting to pounce. It was as if they were hiding behind a corner to catch me off guard. I walked in, the hall was empty and before I knew it, I was surrounded.

Teacher 1:“I noticed Renaissance isn’t working yet.”

Me: “Oh, really? I just got here, I haven’t had a chance to check.”

Teacher 2: “Do you think we can use Renaissance today?”

Me: “Good question, when I get to my desk I’ll call the tech guy and ask him.”

All the while I’m thinking, “Do you see me standing here with rain dripping off my coat? Do I look like I’m able to answer your questions? Do you even realize I’M NOT IN CHARGE OF MAKING THE PROGRAM WORK?!?”

Too Fast!

This visit went by way too fast. He was supposed to come home on Thursday night but his friend backed out at the last minute forcing him to overnight in Town. He came home on the first flight on Friday morning.

We had barbecued chicken and potato salad. Michael prepared it all while I was taking a nap. My headache was gone after the nap, but I keep sneezing. I think I’m in for a nasty head cold.

We had my nieces overnight because their dad was supposed to go hunting. Turned out he didn’t, but didn’t tell us until about 6PM the next day. We sent them home once we knew their dad was there.

Saturday we drove around and enjoyed the sunshine while the girls went for a bike ride. Driving is not as much fun when I’m alone so I tend to keep the truck parked when I’m home alone. Anything I need is within walking distance, anyway. Late that night, we were able to see some Northern Lights. They were bright green and took up the whole horizon. Every time they got dim and we thought they were over, they’d get brighter and spread out. I never get tired of seeing them.

Sunday was more of the same…just out enjoying the sunshine. We watched Monster-in-Law while eating barbecued hamburgers and more potato salad.

Michael leaves today at 5PM. His flight out of Town tomorrow is too early in the morning for him to stay home another night. This was supposed to be his longest visit so far, but ended up being the shortest because of his two nights in Town. His boss wasn’t very happy about that and has relieved the travel desk of their ticketing duties. Hehe He’s going to try and fix it so that they leave California early in the day and leave Alaska at mid-day. That way, hopefully, he wouldn’t have to overnight in Town any more.

I’m off to enjoy the last few hours with him. I hope all of you had a nice weekend.

Ugh

I came home from work early today. I'd like to say it's because Michael came home this morning and I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. Unfortunately, I had a massive headache so called it a day at lunch time and came home and took a 2 hour nap.

I never...well, rarely take a nap during the day. He was busy slaving away in the kitchen and I was asleep. For 2 hours! I only woke up because Lucione showed up to do her homework here.

At least now my headache is gone. But my vow to stop inviting kids into my home didn't last very long. Lucione and Lindsey are here tonight. Their mom is still out of town and their dad is going hunting early in the morning and will be gone until late evening.

Their uncle is happy to have them here, anyway. And with him home, I can always lock myself in my bedroom and let him deal with them if I need a break.

I swear, though...after this I'm done with kids for a while. Honest!

*****************

I was able to chat with my mom and sister last night on Yahoo messenger. I even turned my web cam on for a while. Trouble was, she wouldn't let me turn it off. "Look at the camera and smile. I was looking down, do it again. It was out of focus, try one more time." Over and over and over again. It was only my 2nd time turning the thing on and I'm not yet comfortable with knowing I'm being watched. I couldn't wait to turn it back off. I did better than last time, though. I didn't have my hand in front of my face this time. hehe