I wasn't on my computer very much today so I'm writing this on my Palm and I'll HotSync it in the morning.
Lindsey came to visit again today. She kept her uncle and me busy playing games. We played Yahtzee, Slap Jack, War, Go Fish, and Crazy 8's. She also played games on my computer which is why I didn't have time to write a post. She didn't go home until 9:30PM.
I really didn't mind having her around, though. She's the goofy one, but I like that she feels comfortable and welcomed here. I have to be extremely busy or deathly ill to not allow her to visit. I'm thankful that doesn't happen too often.
I mentioned in my Thanksgiving post that my sister and I didn't always get along. It wasn't your normal sibling rivalry stuff, either. We literally could not stand to be in the same room together. When we were, there were a lot of glares exchanged but we never spoke unless it was to argue.
When we were really young we were civil to each other but we didn't have anything in common so we just sorta shared space becuase we had to. As we got older, we drifted further and further apart. It eventually got to a point where we just totally ignored each other.
She was a Freshman in highschool when my mom left. She grew bitter, my dad got drunk and I was left to pick up the pieces. I wiped my dad's tears when he'd sit in the dark and sob, I used a stool to do laundry because without it I couldn't reach the bottom of the washing machine. I learned to cook simple dishes and made sure my sister got up each morning for school.
This was when our relationship was at its worst because she resented me for "mothering" her and I resented her for rebelling. My dad eventually got tired of being drunk and resumed his parental duties but the damage was already done. It would be years before my sister and I would learn to accept, like, and eventually love each other.
During the tough times, I spent a lot of time with my cousin and her family. I am only 6 years older than her oldest child so she was a kind of surrogate mother to me. She would let me help her cook so I could go home and cook for my sister and dad. She'd listen when I needed to talk. She was my safety net. If something happened she was there-no questions asked, just open arms and loving words. She was always a huge part of my life. Many times, I'd spend the night on Christmas Eve so I could watch my little cousins open up their gifts before going home to wake up my dad and sister. Any birthday parties I had during highschool were given by her. She checked up on me weekly while I was at college. When the time came, she made the bridesmaid dresses for my wedding. She lives far away now and I miss her but will always be grateful for having had her in my life.
Anyway, my point of the story was to say that I aspire to be for my nieces and nephews what my cousin was for me. I want them to have a place to come for support, encouragement, or to just "be". I don't want to replace their mothers, just be someone they trust. Someone they can talk to when they need to. I want my home to be a place they can come to when they need to feel safe, loved, or just hang out.
(As for my sister... we get along a lot better now. The first time she told me she loved me I cried.)
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4 comments:
Aaaaaah Carrie, I really enjoyed your post. Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you are getting along with your sis. I'm sure your nieces and nephews know they can come to you anytime and you will be their for them. Your a good Auntie just by what we have shared in our chat...hugs!!
I hope you become all that for them--I have a feeling you already are.
I was so sad reading about your sister though. I'm really glad you two have mended fences. My younger sister and I are a lot like that. We get along now, but in small bursts of time. My older sister though--man, I couldn't imagine not having her in my life. And even though we're more than 300 miles apart, we talk (phone or IM) almost every single day. I often wish ALL siblings could be as close as we are 'cause it sure is awesome having a best friend who knows your history. So many things you never have to explain, you know? It's just so...convenient.
:)
See you Monday, Hon. :)
Kerri, I am sitting here in tears. Your words are so beautiful and touched my heart.
Everything you said is what I aspire to be for Mindy and it seems as though I have failed so miserably. Your words were so needed tonight so I can pick myself back up and try harder this next week.
You are such a beautiful soul, Kerri and I am lucky beyond measure and description to call you "Friend".
Ahka, thanks, I really hope you're right. I'm constantly doubting myself but they keep coming back so I must be doing "something" right,eh? :o)
Aimee, we really do get along a lot better now. I'm glad that you are so close to at least one of your sisters. I only had the one growing up. I was extremely closer to one of my cousins, though. I'll write a post about her sometime. She's older than me, but younger than my sister.
Jayleigh, I didn't mean to make you cry. You really should give yourself more credit. You may not feel like you're doing a whole lot, but believe me, she knows you love her and she knows you're there for her and even though it doesn't feel like it, a lot of times that's enough. I never expected my cousin to solve all my problems. I just liked knowing I could go there and feel safe. I didn't have to be a grown up with her. She let me be a kid; even if it was just until I returned back home to my house.
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