Secrets

Jayleigh has a post on her blog about being expected to do something and then not doing it and the guilt that ensues. Her “something” has to do with money. She was given money for a specific purpose and used it for something else.

She asked us to think of a time when we did the same thing and tell her about it (as a way to appease her guilt, hehe). I tried and tried to think of something but couldn’t remember a time where I was given money for a certain thing. I’ve received money, but never with the instruction to use it for anything in particular.

I do have a huge secret, though. One that haunts me from time to time and I have no idea what to do about it.

When Michael and I first married, we spent about a month living with his parents. We had a house lined up before we got married but the move-in date was pushed back due to unforeseen circumstances so his parents offered to let us stay with them.

It was during this month, while Michael was working night shift, that his mother shared a secret with me; a secret that she hadn’t shared with anyone, including her husband and their children.

I was sworn to secrecy at least until the time of their deaths. She said, “If you decide to tell my children, please wait until Dad and I have passed because Dad doesn’t even know and I don’t want him to know I’ve kept this from him.”

Talk about being put on the spot. That was 13 years ago. I still haven’t told anyone. Not even Michael. Every time I think about it, it kills me because I don’t keep secrets from him.

This isn’t a small secret, either. It’s major; something that will change the lives of Michael and his family completely should they find out.

I thought I was going to be able to tell it here, but part of me doesn’t want to. If I let myself tell it on here, would that make it easier for me to tell someone before it’s time? Will I even be able to tell them once their parents are gone?

I sometimes wonder why she put this on me. I’m wondering if she didn’t want to be the one to tell and thought for sure I’d tell Michael. Then the burden would be on him to tell the family and not her. After only being her daughter-in-law for one month, could she have really trusted me enough to follow through with her wishes?

I don’t mean to tease you with it. I’m just trying to come to terms with it. Not that I expect his parents to die soon…I’m just trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. I mean, they’re a happy family without knowing. How different will it be for them to know? What if they become unhappy…and I’m the one who delivered the news? I don’t know that I can live with that.