I'm disappointed and feeling guilty about not taking the children, but am trying to find a way to move on. Dwelling on them will not help me or them...and I'm liable to give myself an ulcer if I don't let it go.
Lastnight I was watching out my window as I was on the computer. I noticed that there was a group of about 5 kids on bikes. They were playing some kind of game on their bikes...sort of like tag, I guess. They were circling my block and yelling tips to each other. Then it went quiet. Two of them, both boys, tried to "catch" the others by tricking them into believeing they were hurt. Right at the corner of my yard, they jumped off their bikes and one told the other, "Lay down so they think we're hurt." Boy #1 tried to lay in my grass and boy #2 said, "No, not there! If we crashed, we wouldn't have fallen that way." So they're both on the pavement and they start rolling around and moaning. They did this for about 2 minutes and nobody came along. They sat up, looked around, and went back to rolling on the ground. After another minute or so, a car pulled over to see if they were alright. "We're fine," they say...pick themselves up, gather their bicycles and off they go. It was cute to watch...maybe not so amusing the way I typed it. Oh well. Time to watch the Opening Ceremonies now.
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When my wife and I got married I let it be known I would probably never want children. I realized early in life that I would probably be a bad parent. I have a bad temper, and I do not handle stress well. I am to much like the crappy dad I had. I simply did not want to subject a child to even a little of my childhood. Well 15 years later, and a lot of maturing, my wife and I are kind of thinking about it. Not a desperation of age thing. I KNOW that if we had children when 22 we would never had made it this far, but now that 37 is here I feel like I could.
You have to look in you and see if you can. So the choice you made may feel wrong, but it is also very right. If you cannot, then know it is not wrong to say no.
I hope I make sense. I sometimes do not understand my own ramblings.
I found your blog because you were listed on my sitemeter.
Gunner
You made perfect sense to me, Gunner. Thank you so much for visiting and taking the time to comment. I appreciate it.
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