Soul Searching, Heartache, and Guilt

Since I received the letter from Social Services, I have been doing a lot, and I mean A LOT of soul searching. I've been trying to think about this situation from all angles. From an emotional angle, of course I want these kids. They're family and they need a home. I would be able to give them so much love...all that they deserve and so much more. From a logical and rational angle, it would not be easy. Financially, I suppose we're stable enough. But the house we are in at the moment is my mothers. Should she decide she wants to move home, we'd have to move out. No bid deal when it's just the two of us. But with kids it would be an entirely different story. Add that to the fact that my husband is not too thrilled with the "instant family" idea, I think it best we don't take them. I don't want to force my husband into something he is not ready for. I am trying to convince myself that he's not ready for ANY kids and that we'd reach the same decision had the children been his relatives and not mine. I don't know that that's true, but for my own sanity, that's what I choose to believe. I cried myself to sleep lastnight. It hurts so much to know that these innocent children need a home and I can't give them one. That letter has changed my life. Not because I'm going to be a mother...but because I'm not. I'm now broken-hearted and riddled with guilt. What will become of them now? Who will care for them? How will their lives turn out? Are they going to be okay? Now I will always wonder and I pray to God I have made the right decision.