MY Mother's Day

I already told you about our picnic at the beach. But what I didn't mention, was the fact that I received gifts for Mother's Day.

When we got back, I was surprised to find 2 gift bags on my living room floor. I read the cards and was even more surprised. One was from my in-laws, the other from my nieces. Mother's Day cards...for me? I was taken off-guard but really do appreciate the fact that they thought about me. I know that my mother-in-law was behind both of them and that made it all the more special. I received these 2 cards and 2 new blouses. Oh, and $20.

You'll have to click the cards to read the writing.
This is the inside of the card. My mother-in-law wrote a very nice, and surprising message. I was very touched because she doesn't always verbalize her feelings. She's never quite said "thank you" before...so this was a nice surprise.
My father-in-law, on the other hand...always tells me how much he loves me. He calls me "Babe" like I'm one of his daughters and has made me feel like one of his own from day 1.

This is the card I received from my nieces.

My Weekend (Most of it) In Pictures

I have not been home much at all lately. If you normally correspond with me via computer, you'd have noticed. Michael and I spent the entire weekend together being outdoors as much as we could. I didn't even mind that gas is now over $3.11 a gallon...I'd have paid twice that to have the weekend we had.

On Friday we had an early supper and jumped in the truck. We were out from about 5:00 till well after 10PM. We drove, walked, drove, and walked some more. Neither of us cared what time it was or what we were missing on TV...it was just nice to be outdoors.

Saturday was much of the same. Outdoors all day long. We were exercising the puppies for a bit and I started taking pictures. My dad loves being outdoors as much as I do...especially on the water. I don't know why I was so surprised to realize that the boat I was trying to focus on was my dads! I'm not sure who he has with him, but that's him standing. I just missed his wave.

We visited different lakes around the island and saw a beaver in almost every one. Here's one with a branch for his dam.

We were outdoors all day and I couldn't go home without taking the opportunity to take some photos of the sunset.

Michael is always trying to take pictures of the moon. We either don't have the right camera or don't know how to use this one properly...but he never gives up trying. Looks pretty good this time, though.

Before finally going home, we showed our neice Marie how to steam oysters so she could try them for the first time. She really enjoyed them. She didn't even allow them time to cool before she started popping them in her mouth!

One of my favorite summer activities is going to the beach. Last summer I didn't go once. Michael was gone for most of the summer and its no fun going alone. Sunday we spent the entire day on a picnic.

We roasted hotdogs and marshmallows and just sat and visited for hours. The weather was great and the beach was peaceful and calm. This is the beginning of what would become, hopefully, just our first beach fire of the year.

Copper and Bianca enjoyed their first outing to the beach. I don't think they understood why we wouldn't let them near the water, but they both had a blast in the sand!

I think Bianca tired herself out.

Mother's Day...Just Another Day

Longing for the Sun

I was 12 years old when you said goodbye
With no explanation why
You got in your car and drove away
All I could do was cry
You said you loved me, you loved my dad
But you couldn’t stick around
What does that mean? I’m confused
It must feel this way to drown
Trying so hard to get some air
Some stable ground to stand on
Fight through the waves of anger and pain
I still can’t believe you’re gone
Had you died, I could have learned
To accept being left behind
But you just left and I don’t know why
I feel I’m losing my mind
Do you even realize what you’ve left behind?
What we go through each day?
My dad’s depressed, my sister’s mad
I believe I’ve lost my way
There were no bitter words exchanged
Not even an angry glance
No clue that you would pack your things
And run at your first chance
How long were you unhappy?
What made you want to leave?
You said you loved us but still can’t stay
I don’t know what to believe
I’m afraid that I will always hurt
I’ll always be in pain
You’re gone and you can’t tell me why
Am I the one to blame?
I’m trying so hard to come to terms
With what you’ve done to me
I’m longing for the day I wake
And finally feel set free
Set free from the anger, guilt and shame
Of forcing you to run
Free from clouds of self-doubt and blame
Finally free to feel the sun

I wrote this when I was a freshman in high school. I was 14 and confused about my parents’ divorce.

I came home from school after just starting the 7th grade. My mom was on the living room floor crying. She had the cassette tapes out on the floor separated into piles. I asked her what she was doing. She told me she was sorting tapes because she was going to be packing. She was leaving the next day. When I asked how long she’d be gone, she said, “Forever, I’m leaving your dad.” My sister started yelling at her and that made me cry. She couldn’t tell us why. She just kept saying, “I love you two, and I love your dad, but I can’t stay here. I need to ‘find myself’.” Whatever that means.

Every year around this time, I get upset. Knowing Mother’s Day is coming stirs up all the feelings I tried so hard to suppress when I was younger. I buy her gifts, call her up and tell her I love her, but in the back of my mind, I have flashbacks of when she left.

I remember my dad crying in the dark. I remember him not being able to eat because of the ulcer he developed not long after she left. I remember him drinking in an attempt to drown his pain.

I remember my sister getting mad at the world. She lost her smile. She forgot how to be happy. She forgot how to be a family. Her grades stayed high, but everything else went down hill. The living room became my bedroom because she claimed she couldn’t stand the sight of me. I eventually came to accept her behavior and it stopped hurting. She eventually outgrew her bitterness and we became sisters and friends once again.

I remember myself going to school trying to pretend everything was okay. I remember standing on a stool to do laundry because, without one, I couldn’t reach the clothes at the bottom of the washer. I remember the frustration of learning to cook rice because if I didn’t cook, I didn’t eat and neither did my sister. Now that I’m grown, I don’t cook rice all that often. I don’t even cook unless I have to.

Being an adult, it really bothers me that this still hurts. How is it she was able to move on and act like nothings happened while the rest of us suffered? How do I know? Because she was gone less than a year before she became engaged. Because she has been home 3 times in the 22 years she has been away. Because she doesn’t take the time to ask me how I’m doing.

I think I finally understand why it is that I bend over backwards to help Space Cadet with her children even though I sometimes resent her irresponsibility. I don’t ever want her daughters to experience anything like what I did. I can’t keep Space Cadet’s marriage together should it fall apart, but I can make sure those girls feel loved and accepted each and every day of their lives. I can make sure that they know that, no matter what, someone cares. They matter to someone. They are important to someone.

I’ll never know why my mom left. I’ll never understand what her reasons are. Maybe I’m not supposed to. I finally admitted to someone else just the other night, that I tend to get withdrawn and somewhat depressed every Mother’s Day. Not because I don’t have a mother. Not because I hate my mother, but because I love her. She hurt me like nobody else has been able to…but I love her. She ends every conversation we have (which, sadly, are few and far between lately) with the same phrase I used to say to her when I was about 3 years old. Maybe she still thinks of me that way. Maybe she’s trying to make me think of life when I was that young. Maybe she wants me to remember when we were still a family; still happy. Who knows. All I know is I’m not very fond of Mother’s Day.

Lazy Sunday

I didn't do anything productive today. Not a thing. I haven't been sleeping well lately. I was up early...I had to get up at 7 to make sure the hot water heater was on so I could get Lindsey up by 8 to get her ready to go help with her softball fundraiser this morning at 9:30.

After she left, I wandered around the internet for a bit. Looking at sites of friends and family.

We decided around Noon to take the puppies out to the runway for a walk. On the way out there it started raining. We drove around out there until the rain stopped and tried to walk them. Bianca did good...but had me at a fast walk the entire time. Copper got stubborn and wouldn't walk. By the time he felt like walking, Bianca and I had already turned around and were headed back to the truck.

I came home and was pleasantly surprised with a wonderful aroma coming out of the kitchen. Michael snuck a roast into the oven before we left so I don't even have to cook today!

It was nice to be able to do absolutely nothing that required any thought. I'm getting burned out with work, as I do every year, so it was just enough to recarge me for the last (Fizzy, close your eyes) 2 and a half weeks of the school year.

(You can open your eyes again, Fizz)

Here's a quick little Craig story for y'all.

He had to write his very first state report a couple weeks ago. He's only in 2nd grade so the entire class did Alaska. His report that hangs on the wall is about 3 sentences long. But when you ask him what he knows about Alaska, it usually goes something like this:

Well, lets see...Alaska is the 49th state. It's been a state since 1959 and used to belong to Russia. If you cut Alaska in half, it will still be the biggest state. It's even bigger than Texas! The Big Dipper is on the flag and the North Star, too....

He'll go on and on if you don't interrupt or show you're not interested. Anyway, the other day in the library he told me he got an A+ on his report. I praised him and gave him a high five and asked what his report was on. He rattled off all the facts he could remember and when he got to the year of Alaska's statehood, I said, "Ya know...Uncle Mike was born that year."

To which he replied, "What?! He was?!" and pretended to faint!

Untitled (Because I Can't Think of One)

I don’t have an excuse for not writing this time. Mainly, I guess, I just haven’t been making the time. When I do find time to sit at the computer, I end up doing other things (like chatting or trying not to smile at the webcam).

There’s been a lot going on, but nothing worth mentioning. Perhaps that’s another reason I haven’t written. I don’t do enough interesting things to write about.

I have 2 and a half weeks left in this school year. I have two more weeks of science and computer classes. I just found out today that, as a Specials teacher, I am partly in charge of planning the end of the year Field Day for the kids. That should have been started long ago, so hopefully I won’t need to be too involved in that. I would rather be free to wander around watching and taking pictures.

We’re going to be very busy here at school till the end of the year. We’ve got Headstart Orientation on Monday. The little ones come to tour the school and have lunch in the cafeteria. The junior high and high school spring concert is on the 9th. The spring concert for the elementary is on the 16th. The 19th is my last day teaching computers and science. That is also the day of high school graduation. 8th grade promotes on the 22nd. The kids’ last day is the 24th and they’ll be released at Noon. On the 25th is an all-district breakfast and Teacher Check-Out day. Somewhere in there, I’ll also be doing the final round of testing in both reading and math.

Then it will be about 13 weeks of keeping Akeskileut up as late as I can, trying to entertain any children who happen to stop by, and hopefully live a life of leisure all summer. (

But for now, I need to get back to work.

Today is My Friday...

…and boy, am I glad!

This has been a tough week for me. It wasn’t until last night I realized how much work was affecting the rest of my life.

A couple weeks ago, some boys were sent to the office. I happened to be in there talking with Space Cadet about something. She told the boys, “Go sit in the principal’s office and do not talk.”

We didn’t know what they did to earn this little trip to the office and we didn’t ask. The boys (a couple of 6th graders, already too big for their britches) thought it was funny and were giggling and talking. Space Cadet asked them again, “Please stop talking. There’s no talking when you’re sent to the office.”

That just made them giggle more. I finally peeked in and realized that one of them didn’t have a chair. So I said, “Have a seat on the floor facing away from (the other boy).”

I finished my conversation with Space Cadet and headed out of the office to go do my recess duty. While exiting, I heard, “Boys! There IS no talking!”

She didn’t yell extremely loud, but was stern enough that the boys should have known she meant business.

I thought that was the end of it, at least as far as I was concerned.

About a day or 2 later, Space Cadet called my extension and said, “(The Superintendent’s Secretary – Space Cadet’s older sister) just called and said that there’s a letter from a parent saying I was yelling at her son and nephew and you threatened to expel them.”

I was so shocked. I said, “I remember them being in the office, but where do they get ‘Listen to me or you’ll be expelled’ from ‘Sit down and turn your back’?”

She said she was wondering the same thing. We couldn’t say anything because the letter was to the superintendent…we weren’t sent a copy. Talking about a letter we never did receive could get our older sister in trouble for breaking confidentiality. We decided to wait to see if anything happened, or if we were approached by anyone asking for our side of the story.

Later that afternoon, our older sister faxed a copy of the letter to Space Cadet. The letter was addressed to the principal, but courtesy copies were sent to the superintendent and the boys’ classroom teacher. I read the letter and could not believe it. It was full of accusations. According to the letter, the boys were not given a chance to explain what happened and were punished too harshly. They are the victims because they are children and the adults should know better.

According to the letter, they were sent to the office for calling another student names and laughing at her. There’s supposedly a witness who says the boys didn’t call anybody names and the girl they made cry over-reacted.

According to the letter, Space Cadet and I were way out of line by even speaking to them. They made it sound like Space Cadet was screaming at them (she wasn’t) and I was dropping threats all over the place (what a laugh).

The letter angered both of us, but we were still helpless. We felt couldn’t let anyone know we had read it without getting Older Sister in trouble. It was a Friday…we decided to wait out the weekend and see what happened come Monday.

Late Friday afternoon, the classroom teacher approached Space Cadet about the letter. That gave Space Cadet a reason to approach the principal. She said, “A teacher approached me about a letter they received from a parent….”

He told her not to worry about it…that everything in the letter was taken out of context and Space Cadet and I had nothing to do with why the boys were in the office.

Okay, that’s good to know. At least our boss didn’t believe the letter. But that still didn’t give me a chance to clear my own name because the teacher didn’t approach me. Space Cadet told me not to worry…that she probably just figured it was all a misunderstanding so didn’t see the need to approach me about it.

I tried not to think about it all weekend but there was a basketball tournament going on so I kept running into the mother who wrote the letter. I tried to smile like I always do…not letting on that I knew what she had done. She’d just snap her eyes and look away or give me an icy glare.

When I came to work on Monday, I kept waiting for the principal to call me into his office for a visit. He still hasn’t. I tried to convince myself that that was a good thing. It means he trusts me…doesn’t believe I would threaten a kid. (Believe me, if I thought I had the power to expel, some kids would have been gone long ago!)

But when I went to Science on Tuesday, everything changed. We have 6th grade on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings. I heard the teacher telling the other science teacher – while I was walking by – to “remember the letter. Don’t forget about the letter.”

The science teacher sent me out of the classroom to do other things the entire period. Not just Tuesday, but the following day, as well. That bothers me because it shows me that the classroom teacher, even after working together for 13 years, actually believes I could treat students so poorly. Not only does she believe the letter, but she’s told others about it.

So now I’m left wondering how many people have read the letter and now think differently of me because of some ridiculously false accusations made by an angry parent. As of yet, nobody has approached me so I can’t speak up. I can’t defend myself. I have to pretend like I don’t know about it. But being treated differently hurts.

I didn’t realize how much until Michael asked me last night what he did to make me mad. I explained what’s been going on at work (he knew about the letter but I didn’t tell him about the classroom teacher) and assured him that if I was mad or withdrawn, it was not because of him but because of work.

I’m so glad it’s the end of the year. I’m also glad I’m not working tomorrow. I’m hoping I’ll feel better after a 3 day weekend. I have no delusions about “everyone” liking me.  But when accusations are made, I would at least like the chance to defend myself, or explain my actions. I hate this.

Major Catch-Up With Pictures!

My internet at home has been fixed for a couple days but I was busy all weekend with basketball. We had some visiting teams from Kake. The girls lost all their games and the boys won all of theirs. It was still a good experience for all involved.

I'm going to attempt to catch you up on all that went on since my last post.

BIRTHDAY PARTY

First, was Lucione's birthday. She turned 14 on the 14th. Here she is watching her big sister Marie bring her birthday cake to her.



Always the ham...she had to pose with every single gift she received.



THE PUPPIES

We take the puppies out to the old runway so they can exercise. There's less traffic, and no big dogs to scare them. Here's Bianca eyeing the camera. I love how fluffy she is!



Copper takes some coaxing, but he seems to enjoy his time outdoors, too. He stays right by you, though, so you have to be really careful when you walk. It's easy to step on him or cause him to tumble over with your foot when he gets too close.



EASTER

The kids really enjoyed their egg hunt after dinner. So much so, that they begged us to hide their eggs over and over again. Here's Mikayla searching my truck for eggs. Don't pay any attention to the dust.



Mikayla and Craig were very competetive at first. Once they realized how much fun it was to find their eggs, they started helping each other. The eggs had initials on them and they were only allowed to fill their baskets with eggs that had their own initials on them. Sometimes they had to look really hard to see who's egg they found. :o)



They got cold but weren't ready to quit so we had to move the hunt inside.



EAGLES

When we weren't over-eating at my in-laws house, we were out enjoying the weather as much as we could. We've seen a lot of different animals, but unfortunately, the only time we had a camera was the day we went to the dump! The good news is, I spotted some gorgeous eagles perched in the trees.



Even better was the one who came waltzing right up to us. I had never been so close to an eagle. It took my breath away...the size...the beauty. It was awesome.



So there you have it. Most of my last 2 weeks or so in pictures.

I've Been Cut Off :o(

My internet at home is not working. It won’t be fixed for at least another 24 hours. *sigh* I never realize how much I use the internet until I can’t. I use it to keep an eye on my bank balance, read newspapers from other cities and states, play games (hehe), and all sorts of things. I’m not the only one who misses it, either. My niece was bored out of her mind when she came to visit me and couldn’t check her e-mail. Haha She had to play with my puppies, instead.

I have one more reading test to give today before I move on to math next week. I’ll be so happy when it’s all complete. I’ll be even gladder when this school year is over. This week has been especially stressful for me, for reasons I don’t care to get into at the moment. Summer break sounds so good right now.

So does a nice, relaxing, stress-free weekend. I was supposed to chaperone a dance on Friday, but it’s been cancelled so I can go to bed as early as I want (even though I probably won’t). I’ve been really tired lately. I actually took a nap yesterday. It was short, but I don’t take naps. For some reason yesterday, I just could not keep my eyes open.

Our weather has been crazy this week. We actually had snow the other day; HUGE flakes and an almost complete white-out. It didn’t stick, thank goodness, but it has snowed a few times since. I hope this is not a sign we’re in for a rainy summer.

I’ve got to prepare for my next reading test. Have a good day!

I Hope You Had a Wonderful Easter!

I hope everyone had a safe, enjoyable Easter weekend! My weekend was busy doing a lot of not-so-important things. Except Sunday…that was church and eating then more church and more eating. I thought I was done eating until I heard my nephew Ross is coming in today and he’s got a huge prime rib dinner planned for the family tonight. Oh well, it will be nice to see him. He hasn’t been home since last August.

We only have 3 really young (actually 2…but the third one pouted when he thought he was being excluded) kids in our family. We had an Easter egg hunt for them yesterday after dinner. They were just plastic eggs…empty plastic eggs, at that, but they had a blast.

We hid them outside and once they found them all, begged to start all over again. They had 3 hunts outside before they got cold. Then we moved inside and they had at least 3 more. I have pictures, but I’m at work.

If I can get on my computer later, I’ll post pictures. Lucione has been doing her homework at my house. That means I don’t get the computer until she’s done and with the loads of work she’s been having, that hasn’t been till after 6PM. By then I’ve had supper and am ready to do other things. That’s why I haven’t been posting very often. I can’t ever get on my computer at home!

Here at work I’ve started testing again. A whole month early, but that’s how the principal wants it. He said he wants to allow time for students to take it again if he thinks they need it. The kids aren’t very happy with me. They just took their big benchmark exams not too long ago.

We’re down to 5 and ½ weeks until summer vacation. I can’t believe how fast time is passing. I’m so ready for the break, though.

Michael is still hinting at going back to work in California if/when they call him back. Personally, I’m tired of this company. Not just because of all the traveling Michael does, either. They promised him year-round employment.  They said if they finish a project somewhere, they’ll move on to the next so they’d always be working. They haven’t worked since January. They were told that a total of 70 people throughout the company were laid off. One of the bosses let it slip that a guy who had been hired AFTER Michael and Rick was re-hired once Michael and Rick returned back to Alaska. They were told they could return by March…then April. Then they get called and told they have a month-long job here on the island. They were to be working all through April until the first part of May. They worked a total of 7 days and were told they were done. I’m getting tired of broken promises…empty bank accounts…a restless husband. I keep telling him he needs to find work here at home. Yet when you ask him when he’s going back to work, he’ll say, “They’re supposed to let me know in May.” Sometimes he’s loyal to a fault. *sigh*

I’ve got 2nd grade now…I need to give them my undivided attention during their test.

Meet the Puppies

I was expecting to have at least a week with Bianca before we got our 2nd puppy, but yesterday afternoon, the other puppy was brought to us. I was extremely nervous because it normally takes me a while to warm up to animals.

With Bianca, it was different. I'm not sure why. I liked her right off the bat and was not afraid to pick her up and hold her.

I'm still trying to get used to the 2nd puppy, mainly because he is so small. He's half the size of Bianca. I hope that he wasn't given to us too soon. He is cute, though. So here they are...

Meet Bianca and Copper

I haven't had time to take better pictures of them, but I will soon. Bianca is facing the camera. This is the first time they saw each other. She was afraid and backed herself into a corner. Now they play with each other and she acts protective over him. They're very cute and I think, in time, I'll get used to the both of them.

Since You Asked...

An ooligan, (also called smelt, eulachon, oolichan, hooligan, or candlefish) is a small, silver fish the size of herring (approximately 6 to 10 inches long). Almost 20 percent of their weight is oil.

They’ve received the nickname, candlefish, because they are so full of oil that when dried, the ooligan is able to be stood upright and lit. It will then burn from end to end like a candle.

Ooligan grease is the oil of an ooligan but is called grease because at cool temperatures, it is a solid with the color and consistency of butter. To make ooligan grease, ooligan are heaped in piles (and depending on who is making it and where…buried, covered with evergreen branches, or stored in wooden boxes) for a few days to break down the flesh and release the oil. The ooligan are then boiled and the grease skimmed off. Ooligan grease is regularly used to accent the flavor of other foods. It may be served over dried salmon, halibut, berries, or potatoes. I also like to add it to clam chowder and boiled fish (basically a fish soup with a thin broth).

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My puppy is 6 weeks old. She is a mix of, I think, 2 types of Terrier. I know for a fact that the mother is a Lhasa Apso. The father, according to my niece, is also a type of Terrier, but she doesn’t know what kind. The father belongs to my nephew and he’s away in the Merchant Marines so I can’t ask him. All I know is that she will stay fairly small.

We have chosen the name Bianca for her. Any guess as to where I got her name? (Akeskileut, zip your lips! hehe)

Space Cadet brought her to us when she returned from Town on Saturday evening. She’s doing well with us so far. We took a trip to Town on Sunday and she did extremely well in the truck. She has already attached herself to me and follows me everywhere. She’s getting more and more active as she gets to know her new surroundings more so I have to be careful not to step on her. She’s let us know that she does not like being locked in the kitchen. We put a baby gate in the doorway so that she stays on the tile while she’s home alone…easier to clean-up after her that way. She’s a pro at howling, let me tell ya. I felt bad, but couldn’t pick her up because her fluffy fur gets all over me and I didn’t want to look like I was the one shedding when I got to work.

I’ve enjoyed having her and am not really looking forward to getting a second, but we’ll see what happens. Michael’s already committed to taking him and promises that he’s cute and will also be a small, indoor dog. If nothing else, we’ll have His and Hers dogs. Haha

*If you’ve read this and there is no picture, come back later…I’m at work and will post a picture of her once I return back home.

I Got Up Early For Nothing

Yesterday when Akeskileut asked what I had planned for my weekend, I said, "Michael has to work tomorrow so it will be my lazy day."

Then Michael came home.

He said he didn't have to work and if I wanted to go to Town to pick up my puppy, we could. I've been patiently waiting since she was born so, of course, I agreed. I had to visit the bank, anyway. I've got a tax refund to deposit!

I was all excited about it and barely even remember what happened at the celebration thing last night (although the girls did see us there, so that's good) because I couldn't concentrate.

Michael woke me up at 6:30 and as soon as my eyes opened I felt as if I had over-slept. I asked him why he woke me so late and he said I had plenty of time because the ferry leaves at 8:00.

At 7:30 we went to the ferry terminal and it was gone. :o( For some reason I still do not know, it left at 6:45 today. It's making another trip at 5:00PM but will only be over there for half an hour so we'll either have to spend the night or wait till tomorrow to go over.

I got up early for nothing. So much for my lazy day. *sigh*

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Oh, about yesterdays post. I was venting. Space Cadet does silly things like this all the time. I don't help her out with money, but her parents do. Now that her oldest daughter is an adult, she helps, too.

What I resent is the fact that she knows I will always be there for her girls. She doesn't think twice about skipping out on holidays or other special days because she knows the girls will be taken care of.

She knows that when she's broke and can't feed her girls, I will. She knows that if she doesn't slow down to help her kids with homework, I will. She knows that if she feels like leaving town for a day or two (sometimes longer) she doesn't have to worry about her girls because when she's not here to take care of them, I will.

It's not unusual for me to have one or both of her girls for days at a time. Not once, in the almost 14 years I have been a part of this family, has she offered to help pay for the food I feed them. It has never crossed her mind to send them here with as little as a gallon of milk when they arrive for an extended stay.

She takes it for granted that I will be here and sometimes it just...irks me. But as mad as I get at her, I can't say no to the girls. They're children.

Her girls don't ask for much. I'm always talking to them about the value of a dollar. They are provided for at my house. I do not spoil them. When I feel like giving them something extra, I let them help me cook dinner or ask them to do a simple household chore. Then they feel as if they've earned what I've given them. They realize that their mother never has money for them. They've learned to accept it. That's the saddest part of all. I can't even fathom what must go through their heads when they hear their mother say, "I'm broke," and then have to stand by and watch her leave for an over-night stay in Town.

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Connie, you asked about my clam chowder. I actually use two pots to cook it because I start the potatoes, carrots, onions, and celery in one pot. Once the vegetables are tender, I use the 2nd pot to make a roux and slowly add Half and Half until it's well combined and smooth. Then I add it to the vegetables. The last thing I add is the clams. Once they're heated, it's time to eat! Sounds very similar to yours except that I add a couple tablespoons of ooligan grease to mine while it cooks.

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I guess now that I'm not going to pick up my puppy, I can go to our clinic dedication. Hopefully the rain will hold off until after the pole is raised. I hope you all have a good weekend.

When Will You Ever Learn?

Space Cadet strikes again!

She complained all week long about being broke. She had to pay her rent because they were threatening to evict her. She can't throw Lucione a birthday party with her friends because she had to pay rent. On and on and on about how broke she is.

The truth is, she's always broke.

She complains about it every single month and I'm tired of hearing it. She comes to the family for help every month and I'm tired of helping. She digs herself deeper in debt everyday and I'm tired of feeling sorry for her kids. I'm just tired of the whole deal.

We JUST HAD A DISCUSSION YESTERDAY about how we would have a family dinner for Lucione on her birthday (she turns 14 on Friday the 14th) because a big party or dance with all of her friends just wasn't in the budget. She told Lucione and she was okay with that.

So today after lunch she called me into her office. She showed me a program from a celebration happening tonight. She said, "I won't be able to go. Can you go in my place?"

I asked her where she was going. She wouldn't tell me. I said, "This is probably important to the girls. Why can't you go?"

"I'm going to Town."

So I ask, "Why are you going to Town?"

"Can you go to this tonight?"

Again I ask, "Why are you going to Town?"

"Ron's paying my way."

"That's not what I asked...WHY are you going to Town?"

"Marie gave me $50 to shop for Lucione's birthday. I told Lucione I'd send her over on payday since I can't give her a big party."

I just turned and walked out of the office.

I will probably go to the celebration thing tonight because Michael knows about it and will want to be there for the girls but I sort of resent the fact that, once again, Space Cadet is running off and expecting me to pick up the pieces.

As if that wasn't bad enough, she's using Lucione's birthday as an excuse to go and visit her friend Ron...overnight...with no money. How can you shop for a birthday with $50? Things are expensive here. $50 will not go far. Lucione was happy with a small family celebration, now Space Cadet has promised her a trip to Town on her next payday. That will put her behind on rent again. It's all a vicious cycle that Space Cadet created all on her own and doesn't seem to be capable of breaking.

The only reason she's going over is because my in-laws and oldest sister-in-law are in Seattle for a potlatch and Space Cadet is feeling left out. She's been whining and moping all week and Ron got tired of it and told her to come over.

Nevermind that your daughters are being honored for their recent sportsmanship award. Nevermind that you have a choir concert in 2 days and you'll be missing dress rehearsal. Nevermind the fact that you HAVE NO MONEY and are always complaining you are broke.

Go.

Have fun.

Just don't expect me to feel sorry for you when you can't make ends meet next week. Payday is a long 3 and a half weeks away and the check will mean nothing because you've already promised it to others.

Oops!

I swear I start each day thinking, “I need to make an entry to my blog today.” But once I’m up and ready to start my day, I don’t do it.

This week at school we’re busy with tests. The students are taking their state benchmark exams and the teacher’s aides are taking a test to prove they are highly qualified. It’s the teacher’s aides who are keeping me busy.

I’ve been trying to help them cram so that they can pass at least one of the three sections on the test. They’re not very confident they can pass any part of it, but we’ll keep going till they’ve passed them all. They have until June 30th to pass in order to assure them of a job next school year. It all stems from the No Child Left Behind Act.

The weather for the past few weeks has been absolutely gorgeous. We’ve warmed up quite a bit, even hitting 50 degrees a couple days in a row this week. As I walked to work this morning it was cloudy and sprinkled for a few minutes, but was still a nice walk.

The only complaint I had was the neighbor’s dog wouldn’t stop following me. The more I asked him to go home, the closer he followed. They need to put him on a leash. He drags trash all over the place and even swiped one of Michael’s shoes he left on the porch. Nevermind that Michael shouldn’t have left his shoes on the porch, the dog needs to be tied up.

We have about 6 and a half weeks left before Summer Vacation. That is unreal. I cannot believe how fast this year flew by! Every year at this time I find myself wondering what it would be like to not work the following year. “What if I stayed home?” “What if I got a job somewhere else?” “What if….”

Then August comes along, I get a call asking if I want to work and I always say yes.

I’m out of time. Space Cadet is pouting because she’s not required to take the exam the teacher’s aides are taking. Mr. Principal is tired of hearing her whine about it so I have to test her today. *sigh*

Finally!

After a week off for Spring Break, I got sick. So I ended up with a two week break, instead. By Wednesday, I thought I was okay but then got worse Wednesday night. I ended up dehydrated and everything, so it wasn’t fun.

But I’m back at work now and other than a million questions from everyone, it’s like I never left.

I can’t even remember what I posted about last (I’m at work and using Word to type so can’t read my blog.).

Spring Break was nice. The girls played in a tournament. The “End-of-the-Season Tournament”, thank goodness. I love watching them play, but their season always drags on forever. I know they’re trying to keep the kids busy, but I think our town needs to figure out some other sports for the kids to play.

Anyway, the girls are on the same team. They lost their first game but continued on because it was double-elimination. They won their second game. They lost their 3rd game and according to the bracket, should have received 3rd place because the winner of their game went on to championship. But somehow they had to play a team they already eliminated and lost so they got 4th. That made no sense, and they should have won, but their team got the Sportsmanship award. I won’t even go into the bad refs and how lopsided the calls were (the girls’ team had 17 fouls and the other team had 5…and it was the girls’ team getting knocked all over the place).

The week after Spring Break is a week I would like to forget. I had major stomach problems. I won’t go into details because, trust me, you don’t wanna know. Hehe

My nephew Theodore was over from Town for his Spring Break and came to visit me a few times. One night he brought my nephew James with him and they played I Spy on my computer for a while. When James started bossing him he said, “Be nice or I’ll go get Aunty. She’s the Tickle Master!” He’s always asking how I know “everybody’s” ticklish spots.

Lucione spent the night with us on Saturday. It was her first time since we moved into this house. Sunday afternoon we went to a family potluck because Michael’s aunt and uncle are visiting from Fairbanks on their way to Reno. I didn’t think his aunt would remember me but she called me over for a hug and reprimanded me for not visiting her the last time she went through town. Haha

Michael has been taking advantage of the low tides and gathering seafood. So far we’ve had clams on the half-shell, fried rice with cockles, and fried octopus (we call it devil fish). Tonight we’ll have clam chowder. We were also given herring eggs. We ate those a couple nights ago and last night we bought some ooligans. I’m afraid that with all this seafood, the hamburger we have in the refrigerator is going to spoil!

My first class is here so I guess I better stop now. I hope (if I even have any readers left after my long absence) you all have a good day! :o)

Spring Break

I have this whole week off and have been keeping busy. Getting the house in order, watching basketball games, and just trying to think of anything but work.

Tonight I even turned on my web cam for a while to let Akeskileut see me. She always asks and I hardly ever do it so figured tonight was as good a time as any.

I ended up fooling with settings and she offered to help by telling me when it looked right, but I think that was just her sneaky way of getting me to leave it on longer!

All the snow has melted. Well, most of it, anyway. The roads are clear, but some of the snow in grassy areas is still there. The mountains are still white, too.

It's warmed up quite a bit, though. It's been in the 40's for the past few days. The sun has been shining and there are tons of stars out at night.

My girls are in the midst of their End of the Season Tournament. They lost their first game by 2 in overtime. They played hard and gave it their all, but things just didn't go their way. It's a double-elimination tournament, though, so they still have a chance.

Michael has a job coming up in a couple of weeks. The good news is it's here on our island. The bad news is, it sounds like it's only going to last about a month. Still, it keeps him home for that much longer and the pay will be better than what he's getting from unemployment.

I don't think there's anything else to update on. Life moves pretty slow here on the rock.

Oh, The Weather Outside is Frightful!

I saw the weather forecast yesterday and was doubtful. I told others what I had read and they, too, were doubtful.

We were all wrong. The snow storm warning was more than justified. It was snowing last night but it was fairly light. The roads were just barely covered in a white powder.

When I opened my door to leave for school I was shocked. We had tons and tons of snow and it’s still falling. There were at least 6 inches. Some parts were even deeper because of drifting.

I’m not complaining, mind you. I was just shocked. We all were. When the phone rang at 7:30 and I noticed it was coming from the school, I thought it was going to be a Snow Day. It was Space Cadet on the phone…but she just wants Michael to give her husband a ride to the ferry today. Shucks.

Having all this snow brings back so many childhood memories. We used to get snow like this all the time when I was small. Deeper, even. I used to be able to lie down and disappear in the snow. Granted, I was smaller, but even my parents say the snow was a lot deeper back then.

I can remember being dressed up in a pretty little Easter dress, bonnet and all, and being pulled to church on a sled or in a wagon because my sister and I couldn’t walk in the snow in our dress-up shoes.

I can remember visiting my gram (at the house I just moved out of) and making snow angels with her in her yard. Her yard was never level, so we’d make snow angels at the low end and then go up to the higher end and roll downhill. We always had a blast and played till we were frozen. Then she’d take us inside and make hot cocoa.

We’ve only had one Snow Day that I can remember. It happened when I was a freshman in high school. We got a lot of snow overnight and because it was also windy, we had snow drifts in places as high as 18 inches. Cars couldn’t drive and some people had to shovel snow from their front doorways. Michael doesn’t remember any snow days from when he was in school. Most people walked back then, anyway.

The only thing I can find to complain about is the fact that I’ve run out of furnace fuel. We’re using electric heaters until I get paid and the business manager won’t pay us until after Spring Break (which starts tomorrow and ends on the 26th) so I guess my electricity bill is going to increase.

Other than that, all is well. I’m loving the snow, I’m hours away from Spring Break, we’re settled into our home, and I think I’ve finally beaten my latest cold. Life is good right now. Let it snow.

My Trip

The tournament was so much fun. Our teams placed 3rd and 4th but they played hard and had some pretty exciting games.

The girls played on Wednesday. They actually had the first game of the tournament. They lost a heart-breaker by 2 points. They were behind by as many as 12 and fought hard to come back. With some fouls late in the 4th quarter, the other team was able to pull ahead and win.

Their loss meant they didn’t get another game until 8AM Friday morning. They won that game by 20 points and ended up in 4th place.

The boys played on Thursday and despite their hustle and determination, lost by 10. Had they won, they would have gone on to the championship game. They played for 3rd instead and won.

My niece Alexys was the only freshman on the All-Conference Team. She also received the Good Sport Award (an award chosen by the coaches based on attitude throughout the entire season). Our whole school received the Sportsmanship Award. Other awards received by our students included 5 more All Conference Team members (including one cheerleader) and All-Academic awards (high school seniors who maintain a 3.0 or higher throughout high school receive this award) were given to each of our seniors.

All in all, it was a pretty successful tournament.

Outside of the tournament we had plenty to keep us busy. We bought tons of movies at Wal-Mart, were able to enjoy Subway sandwiches, spend time with my sister-in-law and her family, meet my new puppy (who is still without a name and will hopefully be able to come to our home soon), watch Firewall at the theater, and just relax in our hotel room.

One day, we tried to find a way to keep the girls (Lindsey and Lucione) busy without them spending what little money they had. We took them to a car wash. My truck really needed it and they had a blast spraying the hoses and using the soap brush. They didn’t even mind that it was snowing. Haha At the time they looked as if they were enjoying themselves. I didn’t know how much until their mother mentioned how excited they were to tell her about it when she was finally able to join us in Town.

She arrived late because Michael’s aunt passed away two days before we were supposed to leave. We were trying to decide whether to stay home or go to the tournament when his cousin called and told Michael that she understood that we had paid for our trip and had it planned for quite a while. She said to go and support Alexys, so that’s what we did. Instead of the big group of 11, we were down to 4 until Thursday.

I think that’s my trip in a nutshell. At least all that I can remember at the moment and all I have time to write. My first class is in the hallway on its way to me so I guess I better get going!

Home Sweet Home

I just returned home from 5 nights and 6 days in Town. We left on Wednesday and were supposed to return on Sunday but got bumped off the ferry so had to stay an extra night.

Our ferry broke down yesterday. They told us at first that it wouldn't run at all. Then they changed their minds and said they'd make a run, but just one. One run on our small ferry with enough people to fill it at least 2 and a half times.

Had they let us board in order of our check-in, we would have been the 3rd vehicle on board. But they went by reservation times. There were supposed to be 3 runs. One at 10AM, one at 2:30PM, and a final one at 5:30PM. Michael made the reservations and thought he'd be "safe" and put us on the last ferry in case we had things to do that couldn't be done during the tournament.

That meant we were part of the last bunch to be boarded. Again, had they sorted the reservation times by when we checked in, we would have made it home. But there were others who were more persistent in hassling the ferry people so they were chosen first.

We ended up being one of 4 cars turned away. I wasn't terribly upset, but not really looking forward to another night away. I was almost sorry by the time we finally settled in for the night.

Had we made the ferry, Michael wouldn't have had time to go to Safeway. Had he not had the time, he wouldn't have had the opportunity to buy groceries and I wouldn't have had to spend $300 in one place.

That's okay too, though, I suppose. We don't splurge like that very often and the variety of choices far exceeds anything we ever get here so it was worth it. I just hate spending money. hehe

It's snowing again. We've had snow since Wednesday. It isn't really sticking except to the trees so that's nice. It's pretty to watch fall but we don't have to worry about the build-up on the roads because there hasn't been any.

I'll write about the tournament tomorrow. I hope that all of you had a nice week(end) while I was away. :o)

Slowly Settling In

We’ve slept at the “new” house for the past 2 nights. Connie, it doesn’t really have a nicer view, but it’s a lot quieter. The road is only used by those of us who live on it so I don’t have to listen to traffic all day and night. Not that our town has all that much traffic, but what little traffic we have is mostly made up of old, run-down, very loud cars. Hehe

I am already more relaxed and we haven’t even really unpacked yet. Just knowing that I don’t have to deal with the whole ownership issue of the other house anymore has lessened my stress level immensely.

The only trouble is, the phone company is pre-occupied with their frozen water pipes and haven’t had a chance to switch my phone line from one house to the other, yet. So I either have to sit in a freezing cold house (we took the oil we paid for and brought it to where we are now) to use my computer, or make use of the internet at work.

That means that I won’t be able to read blogs or anything like that for the next few days. I think we’ll be totally moved out of the other house today so I’m cut off till the phone company can help me out.

My cousin is anxious to start staying there. He’s attempting to stop my uncle from taking the house. He’s talked to a lawyer and our chief magistrate. They both say that my uncle has no legal leg to stand on. We shall see, but no matter how it ends up, I’m just glad I’m not in the middle of it anymore.

Break time is almost over. I better get ready for my class.

Miscellaneous Tidbits

It’s a balmy 16 degrees Fahrenheit outside today! Clear blue skies and frosty windows. I love it!

Why is it, when you ask 1 second grader not to whistle, the other 13 take that as their cue to start?

My move is almost complete. I think last night was my final night in that house. I’m sad and relieved all at the same time.

10 days till I go to Town for the Southeast Alaska Region V Basketball Tournament. I can not wait.

I was supposed to take a test on Friday to “see what it looks like” and use it as a starting point of where to start studying. I passed in one shot and am done! I’m now considered “Highly Qualified”. Boy, do I have them fooled!

I was deeply touched last night to find that Michael has saved every single letter I’ve ever written him. I didn’t read any of what I found, I was too much in shock to realize they meant enough to him that he saved them. He’s more sentimental than he lets on.

Today is the first day of the last quarter of the school year.

Did I mention it is nice and cold? Aside from the shocks I receive every time I touch anything that even resembles metal and my frizzy hair, I LOVE IT!

I haven’t been able to dress for work without matching someone else on staff for at least a week. Today I match a substitute teacher.

Okay, enough rambling…

On a Positive Note...

The temperature hasn’t risen above 24 degrees in 3 whole days. I’m loving it!

Getting Closer

We're almost to the point where we can move into the other house. The couple that were living there are finally completely moved out and we've managed to line up a storage space here so we don't have to cart all our belongings to Town.

As anxious as I am to get out of this house, though, we won't be able to until sometime next week. We can't pull it off tomorrow and won't be able to change our utilities and phone until Monday at the earliest so it looks like one more weekend here.

******************

I wish I could say that the move was the only thing weighing on my mind. People around me are getting sick left and right. Not just minor illnesses...big time problems. Cancers, heart problems, kidney problems...its getting to the point where I'm afraid to answer my phone because every call seems to bring more bad news.

Just in the last 3 weeks:

*a very close friend gave birth and had major heart complications

*a dear friend and co-worker had to have a kidney removed because he had cancer

*another dear friend and co-worker had a relapse of her breast cancer and I am still waiting to hear about a suspicious spot they found outside of her lung

*Michael's aunt will be coming home to spend her last days with family

*an aunt of mine will be having heart surgery tomorrow (Friday)

*my brother-in-law had a malignant tumor removed from his neck

The trouble with living in a small town is that everything that happens affects everyone. You're either a relative or a friend to just about everyone around you so anything, good or bad, has an effect on you or someone close to you.

I seem to be sensitive to everyone around me. My cousin and his wife weren't speaking today and that was all I could think about all morning. When he showed up at work to apologize to his wife, I don't know who was more relieved, me or her.

People always tell me they like that quality about me. They know I'll be sympathetic, empathetic, or at least be there to listen whenever I'm needed. But it's also that quality that wears me out. I sometimes find myself feeling exhausted because I carry the world on my shoulders and find myself trying to "fix" the situations of others or at the very least hold them up when they can't seem to stay upright on their own.

This is why I've been so quiet here on my blog lately. I'm quick to pick up everyone else's burdens and then tend to keep all that emotion bottled up inside. I put up a strong front but sometimes its all an act.

The Bad News Just Keeps Comin'

Yesterday was Space Cadet’s birthday. We had a big turkey dinner at my in-law’s house. In the midst of her opening gifts and all of us sharing and laughing, my mother-in-law’s niece walked in the door.

Michael’s Aunt Lillian is about 83 years old. She had surgery on her kidneys on Monday. They “think” she may have had a stroke before she even left for Anchorage because all of the sudden, it’s extremely hard to understand her when she speaks.

So we all sensed something was wrong when Aunty Lillian’s daughter came through the door. She shared with us the latest news about her mother. The surgery was unsuccessful in correcting any problems she had with her kidneys. Her kidneys are failing. One is functioning at 50% and the other at 25%. Dialysis is not an option. Doing Dialysis would mean she’d have to be up in Anchorage for 2 months. Given her age and the fact that she just outright refuses the treatment, the doctor said the best option is to bring her home and keep her comfortable. There’s nothing they can do.

He said, “We could keep her up here and force the treatment on her, but the chances of it working are slim and she’d die of a broken heart before treatment was complete. If she were my family member, I would want to make her as comfortable as possible during her final days.”

I am not a medical expert…I have no idea how long we’ll have her with us once she returns home. She is completely bed-ridden so the ambulance will have to pick her up at the airport and transport her home. That means the earliest we can get her home is Friday…if the flights out of Anchorage coordinate with the ferry run.

Please keep Michael’s family in your prayers. I know this will be extremely hard on all of them. They are a huge, extremely close family.

It's About Time

We finally got the call we’ve been waiting for. The people who were living in my dad’s house have finally moved out completely and we have started moving in. My dad’s house is smaller, but at least we don’t have to worry about feuding family members and we can start concentrating on a home of our own.

Lindsey spent the night with us on Saturday. In hopes of discouraging her, I told her that she couldn’t stay unless she helped me pack. She was more than eager to lend a hand and even though I was reluctant at first, we were glad to have her help. She is so strong for her age (and I have the fat lip to prove it!) and I had to work hard to keep up with her.

My sister-in-law’s dog had a puppy; just one lone puppy. Michael has wanted another dog and I was trying to hold out but his sister has already called him and told him he has first dibs on this puppy, a female, if he wants. It will be a small, indoor dog. I’m not sure I’m totally for it just yet, but I think I may be outnumbered this time. As long as she gets house-trained before Michael has to leave for work, I guess it will be okay. I’ve never had a female dog, though…I don’t know if I can handle it should she get pregnant and/or have puppies while Michael is away. We may have to get her fixed ASAP. hehe

I only have 4 days of work this week. Friday is the last day of our 3rd quarter and since my grades are done, I am not required to work. There are high school basketball games this weekend so having the day off will be beneficial when it comes to moving to the other house.

I was thinking I had a trip coming up next week, but it’s actually the week after. March 8th through the 11th I’ll be in Town for the Southeast Regional Basketball Tournament. We made reservations and paid for tickets and the hotel months ago when we thought Michael would be out of town for most of the basketball season. This was assurance that he’d get to see Alexys play during her freshman season of basketball. He’s actually been able to see all of her home games, but we’re still looking forward to the time away.

I have 2 more tests to give this week - one tomorrow and one on Wednesday. Then I’ll be done until May. I can’t believe how fast this school year has gone by. This is Lindsey’s last year in elementary school. She’ll be in junior high next year and Lucione will move on to high school! I’m starting to feel old.

I'm Such a Bad Blogger

Too many things to deal with at the moment, I guess. I just can't come up with anything even half-way interesting to write about. I can't even post new pictures because, being in the process of moving, I can't find my camera and haven't downloaded the newest pictures from it yet.

Michael received some not-so-good news on Friday. He's been laid off until April or May. Not exactly the best news, but I have to admit, I'm not upset. We've made it through the toughest part of Winter and will do just fine with my income for a while. Besides, I'm feeling selfish and am just finding myself feeling glad that I'm not going through all of this alone.

I was sick all weekend so haven't checked up on Genon. Thank you all, for your prayers and good thoughts.

Tomorrow another friend of mine, who happens to also be our guidance counselor in the elementary school, is having surgery in Anchorage. She had cancer 12 years ago and beat it. Unfortunately, during her yearly check-up this year, they found reason to be concerned. She's going to have surgery tomorrow in order to do a biopsy, lumpectomy, and check out her lymph nodes. It's in the early stages (only 4mm) so there's reason to be hopeful. She is irreplacable to us as at school so hopfully she'll beat this for a 2nd time.

I'm exhausted...physically from being sick and emotionally from this rollercoaster called Life. Hopefully, I'll soon be back to normal (whatever that is) and back to blogging regularly.

Rambling Thoughts

I was pleasantly surprised this morning when I opened the front door and saw a blue sky. It was actually blue…as in not cloudy and not completely dark. I am so excited that I’m not coming to work in the dark anymore.

My arm is so much better today. I actually rolled around in my sleep last night. I kept waking up in different positions. Since the day I hurt my arm, I had been sleeping on my back (which I hate) all night long. I even brushed my own hair today. It made my arm tired, but didn’t hurt. I’m making progress. :o)

I’m stuffed up again today, though. It never fails. When I get sick first, Michael doesn’t catch it. But when he gets sick first (like this time) I get it, too. It’s so not fair!

I just got a memo in my mailbox telling me we have an inservice next Wednesday. That’s going to put me behind on my testing. Why does something have to happen every time I need to test?! Just once I’d like to go through the process and have it go smoothly. Being that we don’t have an on-site tech guy, I guess I should just be glad they are working this time.

I just got back from science class. We had extra time at the end and had fun reminiscing about past years. I had to tease my nephew Ethan about the day he fell asleep in computer class. He’s little…always has been the shortest in his class. He’s also a clown. He likes to tease and be teased. He used to pretend to sleep in his chair. Every time I went near him he’d close his eyes and pretend to snore. Well, this one day, I noticed he was extra quiet and still. I walked over to him and, of course, his eyes were closed. I whispered his name and he didn’t move. Not even the hint of a smile. That’s when I suspected he was actually asleep because he can’t keep a straight face. “Ethan, are you asleep?” Still nothing, so I have him a little poke in the ribs. He didn’t open his eyes so I went and got his teacher. It took the both of us to wake him up. Once he woke, she took him back to his classroom. He curled up on a bean bag and took a long nap. I’ll have to post a picture of him. He’s a cutie and you can tell just by lookin at him that he’s a clown and a ham.

Speaking of nephews, Craig got a hair cut. It’s really short; shaved, but not bald. Feels kinda like a man’s chin after a few days of not shaving. He walked into computer class yesterday and I almost didn’t recognize him. He must have realized how shocked I was because he said, “Aunty Kerri, I’m here and I’m NOT bald!”

I’ve been following the trial of a Craig teenager accused of plotting to have her mother killed. I can’t decide if I believe her or not. I’m so glad I don’t live in Juneau. I would not have wanted to be on this jury. She could get multiple 99 year sentences if she is found guilty of all her charges.

She confessed to knowing about the plot, but they’re saying it was coerced, that the cops kinda bullied her into a confession. Both of the guys (who were 24 at the time…she was 16) who committed the murder pleaded guilty and agreed to testify against her but the guy who actually killed her, changed his story on the stand and said the girl had not spoken directly to him, that he was taking the other guys word that the girl wanted her mother dead. The entire story is on Court TV’s website, if you want to know more. The jury should begin their deliberations today.

I can’t believe its Wednesday already. I only have 1 computer class today and they aren’t coming because they have to do some testing in their classroom. That means I have nothing to do for the next 2 hours.

Hopefully, I’ll manage to keep busy. I can’t type anymore, though.

Blowin' in the Wind

I’ve been awake since 3:00AM. The wind and rain woke me up. I’m told it was blowing 65mph and gusting well above that. I don’t know for sure, but it was strong enough to shake my house. Add to that, the fact that I am stuffed up today and I am not a happy camper. I can’t miss work for the next 2 weeks so am stuck being half asleep and miserable.

Oh well, complaining won’t fix anything.

Getting Better

Slowly but surely, I am getting better. My neck and back are fine now. I have limited use of my arm but it’s getting better. I am not bothered by it too much unless I am too active. I still can’t raise my arm above my head but can at least rest it on my desk so I’m no longer typing one-handed. But that also means I can’t type as long, as the longer I do, the more I ache.

Our belongings are slowly getting packed up in boxes. I am not allowed to help so that is making things go a lot slower. We have a lot more “stuff” then will actually fit in the house so we have to figure out what to do with it all. I’d hate to think we have to haul a bunch of it to Ketchikan to put in storage and I don’t know that I’m ready to give it up in a garage sale.

We went and looked at my dad’s house on Friday night. We were pleasantly surprised to find out that the couple who were staying there did some minor repairs. They also painted all the walls. All white…but still they are painted and it looks nice. They didn’t pay rent so I guess this was their way to thank my dad for allowing them to stay for so long. They’ve got a few more things (like an extra refrigerator) to move out of there before we can move in.

I’m feeling better about moving and am even a little glad. It will be nice to not have the stress that came along with living here. I still don’t like the way things have played out and am extremely disappointed in my uncle, but I couldn’t stand to be in the middle of it all anymore. It’s not my fight to fight. I really shouldn’t have ever been involved at all. We were just doing my mother a favor because she didn’t want the house to stand vacant.

We were busy with basketball this weekend. It was Homecoming weekend and Craig sent both their boys and girls teams. That meant 4 basketball games a night. We were at the gym from 3:00 to about 9:30 PM both Friday and Saturday. Friday night the boys lost. They were behind by as many as 20 and fought their way back up to with in 3. They had some silly fouls right at the end and they lost by 6. They played a lot better on Saturday and won by 15. The girls won both nights; Friday by 19 and Saturday by 30. Alexys scored 19 points on Friday. I don’t know how many she scored on Saturday, but she played another great game. I can’t wait until the tournament next month. They have a chance to do really well. The boys can, too, if they play like they did on Saturday.

Sunday was Super Bowl Sunday. We made french dip sandwiches and homemade french fries. The game was disappointing. I’ve got nothing against the Steelers, but I like to root for the underdog. Seattle had never played in the Super Bowl before and I was hoping they would win. I feel like they should have. The so-called “pass interference” was barely a touch and the Steelers quarterback did not break the plane with the football until after he was down so should not have scored. By my count, the game should have been 17-14 in favor of the Seahawks. Sorry, SQ…hope you enjoyed the game. :o)

Now I’m back at work…and testing again. That means that no matter how sore my arm gets or how much I sneeze (I think I’m getting another cold!) I can’t miss work for at least the next 2 weeks.

I’ve got 2nd grade coming and my shoulder is tired…time to stop typing. Happy Monday to you all.

I'm Baaa-aaack! (For Now)

I was told I should put up a post so y'all would know I'm still alive.

Please excuse my long absence. Life around here has been crazy and painful. I have not spent a lot of time at my computer and once I've typed this, will get back off because I can only sit here for a short time.

Let's see...where to begin...

When I last posted, I was confused about what to do about the whole house situation. Thanks to my uncle (ha!), I am no longer confused but angry and hurt. Without going into all the gory details, lets just say that he's claiming this house is his, he's convinced the mayor this house is his, and he's not changing his mind.

I can keep living here and pay him rent, or move on. Had I been the one fighting for the house, I would not even consider moving on. I know he's wrong. I totally disagree and am heart-broken over it, but this is not my fight to fight.

We've already started packing. It's taking a lot longer than I had hoped (because I can't help) and I don't even think my uncle knows yet. We'll live in my dad's vacant house until we figure out our next move. At least I know he won't kick me out.

Now, about the pain...

Last week, when Michael drove me to work, I hurt myself getting out of the car. I opened the car door just as a big gust of wind came. The wind grabbed the door and flung it open almost pulling me out of the car.

I didn't let go because I didn't want the door to be damaged. I damaged myself, instead. I've got severely strained muscles in my neck, shoulder, and back as a result.

I haven't worked this week and have been on pain killers that are not really killing anything except my good mood. I can't really move my arm and when I do, have almost no range of motion.

Even now I'm typing with one hand. It takes forever because I'm right-handed and have to do everything with my left. Using my right hand for anything, including typing, makes my shoulder ache.

I didn't want all my posts to be all about my problems, aches, and pains so I took a break. Jayleigh, I'm sorry. I just got your comment today and will check out your new blog soon. Being at the computer is too uncomfortable at the moment.

Y'all take care and I'll be back on once I regain use of my right arm.

Confused

I’ve spent the last few days trying to figure out what my next move is. A couple weeks ago I received a letter regarding the house in the mail from my uncle. It sounded so bitter and cold that my initial reaction was to pack up and get out. I don’t normally run from confrontation, but this is my family. My mom only had 2 siblings and one has already passed away from cancer. Was this house really worth losing an uncle? At the time I didn’t think it was. I was so upset by his words that I just wanted to wash my hands of the entire situation and not look back.
Then Michael came home. He’s talked to my cousin and was told by him not to move. He said that, legally, our uncle doesn’t have the right to force me to move or even pay rent. Michael’s reluctant to move because of that conversation.
I’ve yet to hear from my mom as to what she wants me to do. The statements in the letter that upset me the most were directed at my mom. How someone can say such hurtful things about his only remaining sister is beyond me. He even inferred that he and my aunt who died loved each other more than, and in a deeper way, than he has or could love my mom.
It’s just one big ugly mess and I’m about to the point where enough is enough. I made the mistake of telling Space Cadet. She, in turn, told my in-laws. Now they’re all upset and concerned. My dad said to just move into his house and remove myself from the middle of this whole situation. As much as I’d like to, I have a hard time just “giving up” and letting my uncle have his way because I know in my heart he is not right. I hate these types of decisions.
I’m trying so hard to enjoy having Michael home but I can’t truly relax because of this whole house issue. I wish I knew how to get moved out and NOT relinquish the house to my uncle.

I'm so Happy!

You can't see me, but I'm dancing in my chair. The weather is gorgeous...30 degrees and clear blue skies. Michael is home...for at least 2 weeks, maybe as long as 2 months! My baby is here (Lucione) and we're having her favorite food for supper (fish and rice). My niece Alexys is a freshman this year...starting 5 on the varsity basketball team...and her first home game is tonight.

It's just a good day. The kids at school behaved really well and were as cute as ever. The new SpEd teacher finally talked to me. She still won't make eye contact, but at least she talked to me. She's been here 2 weeks now and was starting to give me a complex because whenever I entered a room she'd clam up. A few times she even went as far as turning her back to me. Weird.

Michael and the others have a small job to do here. I'm not sure how soon they'll start, but it will last about a week and a half. The project that they have lined up in Fresno is still tied up in red tape. They will stay home until all the paperwork is complete. They were told they could be here 2 or 3 weeks, or as long as 2 or 3 months. That makes me so deliriously happy.

Not just because I like having him home, but because of the fact that I am going to have to move. Well, I don't have to. I just made the decision to. The house I'm living in was my grandmothers. The reason we are living here is because it became my mothers. My uncle, my mom's only brother who happens to live in a lovely 2-story home of his own, has claimed this house as his own. If we don't move out by the end of this month, we have to start paying him rent.

It's not the rent I'm upset about. It's the way my uncle went about getting the house. He has not been nice about it. At all. He's doing all of his communications through written letters, each one sounding more bitter than the last.

I've finally reached the point where I've had enough. My dad's house is empty because he moved into my step-mom's house after they married. We'll live there until we can secure some financing to either build a home of our own, or bring in a modular home. I have a lovely beach front property all ready to put a home on. Once I do, you can all take turns coming to visit me. :o) But you'll have to get in line behind Akeskileut. She's already promised to be my first guest. Connie Marie, maybe you can come along with her. ;o)

Anyway, I'm off to eat supper. Then we'll deliver my dad's birthday present on our way to the game. I hope you all have an absolutely fabulous weekend. I know I will! :o)

2 More Days

I’m at work today after taking yesterday off. This lovely cold of mine will not go away. I feel so disconnected from the world around me because I haven’t really been a part of it for over 2 weeks.
It felt strange to walk into Science class this morning. I had no idea what the kids were doing. The classes took their tests and started new units while I was sick. I still can’t talk properly so spent my time in the copy room. When I finished making copies I corrected tests. Fun stuff, I tell ya.
The little league basketball season started this week. Lindsey and Lucione are on the same team this year. This is wonderful news. Normally, I’m at the town hall every Saturday for hours at a time because I have to watch so many different teams play. But now with Alexys in high school, Lucione and Lindsey on the same team, and James not participating, I only HAVE to watch 1 game a week. Of course, I’ll probably watch more. Have to get my $1’s worth, ya know.
Michael will be here on Friday. No stressing about how he’ll get home this time. The travel lady FINALLY woke up and realized that traveling home in one day, although possible, is rather stressful and inconvenient. So they’re actually leaving Fresno tomorrow. They’ll overnight in Seattle and take the first flight to Alaska in the morning. That means, Michael will be home before I even get off work. Akeskileut won’t have to deal with my stress this time. Haha This will also give Michael a chance to visit his big brother. They’re both excited about that. They were planning on staying at his house but I don’t think that’s going to work out.
There’s a chance Michael may be able to stay home until the contracts for their next project are signed. I’m VERY excited about that. This weekend is Alexys’ first home game and next week is the first game for my girls.
Between basketball games, I think I’ll be packing and moving. More on that later. For now I’ve got to a 5th grade class in here for computers.

I'm a Copy-Cat

I saw this on Fizzy's blog and thought I'd see what my birth date said about me.

Your Birthdate: August 29

You have the mind of an artist, even if you haven't developed the talent yet. Expressive and aware, you enjoy finding new ways to share your feelings. You often feel like you don't fit in - especially in traditional environments. You have big dreams. The problem is putting those dreams into action. Your strength: Your vivid imagination Your weakness: Fear of failure Your power color: Coral Your power symbol: Oval Your power month: November

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

The mind of an artist? Hmmm...most definitely haven't developed that yet. I have never felt artistic. Not unless you call music art...and even then I totally doubt myself.

I never feel like I fit in...anywhere. I tend to drift to the corners of whatever room I find myself in.

This says my strength is my vivid imagination. That can go both ways. It is also my vivid imagination that causes me to wonder whether something terrible has happened to Michael when he doesn't answer the phone at a predetermined time.

The fear of failure, though, that's dead on. The fear of failure stops or delays me from doing a lot of things. I know its silly, but I can't stop myself from being afraid.

I'm not sure what a power color is...but I know that when I wear coral I receive a lot of compliments. I always thought that was strange because I don't even particularly like that color.

Anyway...what does your birth date say about YOU?

I'm Not Superstitious. BUT....

Yesterday was a very crazy day.

I woke up extra early and could not go back to sleep. I puttered around the house, actually my bedroom because the smell is back, for over an hour waiting for the water to heat up enough for me to take a shower.

I showered, dressed, got my lunch ready, read a couple blogs, and with 10 minutes before I had to leave I realized I forgot to eat breakfast! What? Who forgets to eat? I had instant Cream of Wheat, thank goodness. I inhaled a bowl and headed out the door.

I got to work and realized that it was Friday the 13th. I didn't think anything of it. It's just another day. I've never been superstitious. The rest of the school day seemed to be going okay.

About half-way through the day, I found out that both the boys and girls basketball teams were traveling to Craig this weekend so I asked Space Cadet what she was going to do with her free weekend. She hadn't made any plans and I said, half joking, "I have a full tank of gas. We should cruise in my truck." We left it at that because I had to go to Science.

Then it was time to leave. I had bills to pay, but being the crazy community we are, the bank closes at 1PM and the cashier's window at the municipal building closes at 3PM. I don't get off until 3:30 so have to mail my payments.

I started to walk out the door and realized I didn't bring my wallet. Space Cadet stopped me and asked if I needed a ride. I said, "Only if you're willing to stop at my house on the way to the post office because I need stamps and forgot my wallet." She agreed and we headed to her car.

I got close to her car and said, "Hey. Your lights are on." She had just brought a visiting therapist to the airplane less than an hour before that so we figured it would be okay.

No such luck. Her car wouldn't start. We headed back to the building and passed the principal on our way to the phone. "What's the matter? Battery dead?"

"Yeah, I left the lights on."

"I saw that. Your wipers, too. Your engine wasn't running? You better call a tow truck!" He laughed, shook his head, and walked off. Nothing surprises him anymore when it comes to me and Space Cadet. haha

We tried to call her husband, who happens to own the only tow truck in town, but he didn't answer the phone. I suggested we get my truck but changed my mind rather quickly when I realized I'd have to drive it home and I hate driving our big tank. We spotted another teacher leaving and Space Cadet hollered at her asking if she had jumper cables. She did, and came over to our side of the building to help us out.

So there we were, 3 women, looking under 2 hoods and crossing our fingers that we were doing things right. Space Cadet asked, "This is Negative, right?"

"I've never done this before, but I'm guessing that N-E-G means Negative," I said sarcastically.

We must have connected things right because the car started. We thanked the other teacher and we all went on our merry ways.

Once we had taken care of our business at the post office and took a little short ride to make sure her car would keep running, I was dropped off at home. I cooked dinner and sat at the computer to kill some time.

Around 7:00, Space Cadet marched through my front door. "Are you ready?" I didn't know until then that she had taken my suggestion seriously.

"Yeah, I guess. Let me call Michael first so he doesn't worry if he calls and I don't answer." The last time I wasn't home to answer his call he called the entire family asking where I was. haha Anyway, she grabbed the keys and went out to start the truck.

She came back in and said, "It's dead. It won't start."

I thought she was kidding me after our little episode earlier that afternoon. "Are you serious? How could it be?"

"I don't know but it won't turn over. It's deader than a doornail."

I was still on the phone with Michael. He said to call Michael Richard and have him jump the truck using my in-law's Jeep. We called for him but he wasn't home. Space Cadet said, "We've already done it once today. Shall I go get the Jeep and we'll do it ourselves?"

When she got back with the Jeep, we had to leave the cars connected for about 10 minutes before the truck could draw enough power to start. We couldn't figure out how to keep the Jeep's hood open so I had to stand there holding it open the entire time...in the rain. We finally got it started, left it running, and took a couple trips around the block with the Jeep to make sure it was back to a full charge before it got turned off.

We got in the truck somewhere around 7:45. I could not get Space Cadet to stop driving until Midnight. Even then she only gave up because Lucione had just left a dance and she was worried that her husband might have locked the house and Lucione didn't have a key with her.

So we rode around for over 4 hours last night. We couldn't stop laughing about how we had to jump both of our cars on the same day and we did it both times all by ourselves.

I'm normally not superstitious...but I'm not so sure now. :o)

Oh, What a Beautiful Morning!

I don't know why I haven't shared these sooner. I took these while in town over Christmas break. This was what I woke up to. What a view, eh?

Time to Catch Up

I haven't had time to post the past few days. After being busy with basketball games and family dinners all weekend, I woke up with a head cold on Monday. I managed to make it through the day but haven't gone back to work since.

Steve came and worked on my stove Monday after school. He cleaned it and said that it should help the smell go away because he couldn't find any place where it was leaking. I can't tell if the smell is gone because I've either gotten used to it, or my cold is just bad enough that I'm not capable of smelling. Either way, it's not bothering me at the moment.

Yesterday my niece turned 21. I missed her dinner because I was in a cold medicine daze. I went to bed at 3:00 and didn't get back up until 6PM. Slept through the entire dinner. Oh, well.

I think I'll go back to work tomorrow just to get out of the house. Besides that, when Michael knows I'm home, he calls me all the time. If I don't go back to work he's going to run out of minutes.

Nine more days.

We're All a Bunch of Weirdoes

Tee tagged me with this meme:

"The first player of this game starts with the topic five weird habits of yourself and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals."


I had a hard time with this one. Not because I don't have weird habits, but because I couldn't think of 5 that were not extremely weird and totally embarrassing! haha I can't believe I'm doing this...


1. If I tap my fingers to a song, I can’t stop tapping until the last tap ends with my last finger. Even if it means singing the song’s chorus or verse all over again.

2. I don’t like others to see my feet. There’s nothing wrong with them…I just don’t like showing them. I always wear socks. If I sleep without socks, I don’t take them off until I’m sitting on the bed and ready to cover up with the blankets. Even when I’m alone.

3. I don’t ever let anyone make a sandwich for me because I don’t like dry bread. When I eat a sandwich, the entire bread has to be covered. If it’s mayonnaise, it’s a thin layer, but it has to go all the way to the edge. If it’s something like PB&J, same thing…both the peanut butter and jelly have to go all the way to the edge of the bread.

4. I am obsessive about putting lotion on my hands. I probably put it on at least 10 times a day, especially on a work day. If my hands get wet for any reason (washing dishes, washing my hands, even touching a wet doorknob to enter a building) I have to immediately put lotion on. If I can’t, it drives me nuts.

5. I always drink my soda with a straw because I can’t stand having soda on the rim of my can and don’t like the sound it makes when I have to sip it off.



The rules say I'm supposed to tag 5 others and link to them here. I don't even know if I have 5 regular readers anymore and at least 3 of those on my blogroll have already completed this meme. I'm going to cop out on the tagging and say, "If you feel inclined to participate, let me know in comments and I'll link you here."

Go check out Fizzy's answers!

What's That Smell?

It’s been a while since I’ve posted but this time I have a good excuse. I’ve had to barricade myself in my bedroom since Tuesday because the rest of my house gives me a headache.
Let me try and explain. Our house is heated by a laser Toyo stove. It is fueled by diesel which is stored in a drum outside the house. The house sits fairly high so the drum is up on a pedestal of sorts to allow the fuel to flow smoothly from the drum to the stove.
This pedestal, for lack of a better word, was in dire need of repair. So Michael waited until the DAY BEFORE HE LEFT to remove the drum, repair the pedestal, and put the drum back.
He left on the plane while I was at work. When I returned home, the house reeked of diesel. I thought maybe it was because the drum had been removed and replaced. Maybe there was some fuel in the pipe that needed to be “burned off”. I waited till the next morning and it was worse.
I called my dad. He said that maybe the stove was surging because the drum didn’t have enough fuel in it. I ordered fuel. I asked them to deliver after I got home from work. That was on Wednesday. I rushed home and they never did come. I rushed home again yesterday. They still haven’t come.
The weather has been awful so I can’t go out and check the fuel level to see if they came while I was working. The stick we use to test the level is soaked. I’ll call the fuel company today and see what’s up.
In the mean time, I’ve had to spend all my time in my bedroom. The door has been closed the entire time so I can’t smell the fumes in there. I leave the room in short bursts because if I stay in the living room too long, I get light-headed and/or get a headache.
I turned the stove off last night and the smell seems to have lessened a bit. I’m hoping that if I keep it off, it will eventually dissipate. If so, I just won’t use the stove until Michael comes back. I have small electric heaters and tons of sweaters I can use if I need to.
I wish he had taken care of the drum when he first got home, or at least between Christmas and New Years. That would have given him time to figure out what went wrong before he left. Nobody I’ve asked seems to know what’s wrong or how to correct it. This is probably the one time you’ll ever hear me say this (or see my type it, as the case may be), I am SO glad it is not freezing cold outside.

Back to the Ol' Grindstone

I hope that everyone’s year is off to a good start. Michael and I didn’t do a whole lot to celebrate the New Year. The girls spent the night with us on the 30th. The next day, we had quesadillas for dinner and hot fudge brownie sundaes for dessert. Then we brought them home to get ready for the Lock-In. Every year the Boys and Girls Club sponsors an over-night party for the kids or anyone else wanting to have a safe, drug-free New Year’s Eve. They have games, snacks, and let them dance the night away. Michael and I have never gone. This year, wee went for a drive and listened to our Sirius radio. I found some places where my cell phone will actually work. I tried to call my mom but she didn’t answer so I called Akeskileut, instead! I’ve called her twice recently and both times someone else has answered her phone. This time, her daughter answered and when I asked to speak to her mother, she asked who was calling. I didn’t answer and was hoping she’d just hand the phone over so it would be a surprise. That’s exactly what she did. :o) When Akeskileut answered, I said “Happy New Year!” She said, “Happy New Year to you, too. Who’s calling?” I didn’t tell her. All I could do was laugh. Once I did, she screamed, “Kerri!” haha We had a short, but nice visit.
After that, we went home for a little while and then over to Michael’s parents’ house. We sat there until almost 1AM. This has become a ritual for us and I think his parents look forward to it. They were quick to offer wine but we declined.
School started up again today. I didn’t really feel prepared after having 2 weeks off, but in a way, I’m glad it did. Michael leaves today and being here at work is helping keep my mind off of the fact that I’ll be returning home to an empty house. My only consolation is that this trip is shorter than the last. He’ll be back on the 20th for the weekend.
Meanwhile, there are plenty of things to keep me busy. We have high school basketball games this weekend and it will be the first appearance of the new cheerleading squad. My niece (Lucione and Lindsey’s older sister) will be turning 21 next week. And I’ve got my dad’s birthday to prepare for.
My first computer class is due to show up in about 5 minutes.